Page 81 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

I double-take. That one’s brave, even for Jordy. But, predictably, Perrie and Lauren both drink, and Kim gasps in shock.

“I can’t believe he said I’m vapid!” she cries.

“Oh, but it’s okay when he says it about the rest of us?” Maya teases. Kim finishes her drink in response, and pours another.

“You know,” Kim says, “he used to say all sorts of shit about all of you. And his other exes. I can’t remember names, but he said one was a psycho, one was boring, a couple were shit in bed, one was way too clingy…”

“Oh, the boring comment was about Perrie,” Lauren says with a hiccup. “I remember that.”

“What?” Perrie yelps. “That projecting, judgmental, motherfucking—”

“He said Lauren was clingy,” Maya says. “I remember, because it made me paranoid thatI’dbe clingy.”

“I wasn’t clingy.” Lauren sniffs. “I just had a routine where I texted good morning to him every day. I wanted him to start his days off right.”

“He trashed Maya to me,” I say, to nobody’s surprise. “He waited awhile, but he did it.”

“He said some stuff to Francesca, too,” Kim says, rolling forward onto her knees and slamming her hands against the table. “I just remembered! She said I was the only one he didn’t have anything bad to say about.”

We all stare at her, until she wilts. “Francesca just said that to spare my feelings, didn’t she?”

“Probably.”

“Totally.”

“Sorry, babe.”

“You’re amazing, though.”

“We,” Maya says firmly, “are all amazing. The common denominator I see is Jordy, and his total lack of taste.”

I catch her eye and smile.

It really is too bad we’re going to live so far apart soon.

Much too bad.

By the time the producers come to collect us for theNotte Infinita,we’ve all drunk enough that we’re falling over each other as we stand.

“Wait, wait, wait,” I say, grabbing onto Maya as she lurches to the side steering around the love seat. “Um. I have to grab something from my room. Really, really fast, I’ll be incredibly fast.”

“You’d better be,” Isaac says to my back as I retreat.

I hold onto Maya’s arm a little too long, and run my fingers down it as I let go, causing her to look at me sharply.Follow me,I mouth.

I’m only in the bedroom for ten seconds or so before Maya peeks in, her cheeks flushed as though she ran upstairs. “Whatcha doin’?”

“I just wanted a minute away from the girls.” I grin.

She closes the door behind her and rushes to me. “Was the game a good idea?”

“It was aninspiredidea.”

“Kim might have even come around,” she says as I snake my hands around her waist and pull her in. “Kim!”

“We’re closer than we’ve been yet,” I say, before closing the gap between us.

She kisses me fiercely, running her fingers through my hair. It still feels odd to have it this short again—I feel a phantom tug as her fingers travel down the nape of my neck. We stumble backward until she’s pressing me against the wall, where she holds me and kisses down my jaw and onto my neck.

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