Page 84 of Never Ever Getting Back Together

“I maintain it was the right thing to do if we want to increase our chances of destroying him. But that was before this. She’s having a bad enough day as it is, and I’m not amonster.”

I will kill her later, when we have more time. “You need to tell her you were baiting her.”

“I’m also not that saintly. Can we try for a happy medium?”

“Ugh. Fine, let me handle it.”

“Hey, Maya? I’m done,” Kim calls out, and I head back into the bedroom to retrieve the iPad.

“How’d it go?” I ask Kim as I type out my “I may vanish soon” messages to Mom, Olivia, and Rosie.

“I… I don’t know. I don’t really want to talk right now, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course.” I pause. “But, um, if you’re feeling awful… Don’t feel like you need to put on a romantic show for Jordy or anything, okay? If he’s the guy for you, he’ll understand. You want a boyfriend who’ll support you if you need it, not one who wants you to be, like, his perfect woman even if you’re going through something like this. Right?”

Kim, to my relief, actually seems to give this some thought. “Yeah. Right. Thanks, Maya. And thanks for the iPad.”

Outside, she gives Skye a small, emotionless smile, and thenpushes ahead of us to go and meet the producers. Behind her back, Skye gives my hand a squeeze, then lets go of me as we follow.

A few hours later, we’re standing outside the palace in literal ball gowns.

One of the things I did not know about Chalonne before this week is that their royal family only sort of moved on from the Victorian era when it comes to their formal wear. Like, hard-core. Meeting with the prime minister? Put on a three-hundred-pound ball gown. Fancy dinner? Put on a three-hundred-pound ball gown. Charity event? Three-hundred-pound ball gown.

If I thought the dress I wore on the first night was fancy, it was a goddamn sack compared to these babies. We’re all wearing crinolines under our dresses, which are rustling, flowery, lacy works of art, stretching out at least two or three feet away from our bodies on all sides. Mine is in a soft sea green, and Skye’s is a beautiful rich maroon that looks kind of perfect with her chocolatey brown hair.

Lauren, who’s dressed in a baby pink gown that reminds me of a strawberry cake, is pacing back and forth along our group while the producers prepare and talk to some of the palace staff. “Remember to curtsy if you meet anyone more senior than you,” she says. “And if you’re in doubt, better safe than sorry. I’d rather embarrass myself in front of staff than accidentally offend a lord or lady.”

“Got it.” Perrie nods, scratching at the glittery sleeves of her pale blue gown.

“If they offer you tea, hold it with yourthumbandindexfinger. Don’t grip it like a caveman.”

“There goes my plan,” Skye mutters.

“Anddon’task anyone for autographs,” Lauren says. “They’re not allowed to give them.”

“It actually wouldn’t occur to me to get the queen’s autograph,” I say.

“You don’t think we’ll see the queen, do you?” Lauren yelps, looking between us. When she gets no response, she takes several deep breaths, and threads her fingers together. “Okay, if we meet the queen, do nottalk.Not unless you have to. You’ll mess it up— Oh no, there are too many rules, it’ll all go wrong!”

Luckily for us, we do not meet the queen. In fact, we don’t meet any member of the royal family. We don’t even really enter the palace. Instead, we take some photos and footage from the front of it to make it look like we’re about to go on a grand tour, then we’re led around the side to a conference room, where we enter from outside.

“Jordy!” Lauren cries when she sees him, running up to wrap her arms around him. “Thank yousomuch for bringing us here. You’re the best ex-boyfriendever.Seriously.”

Jordy delicately extracts himself from her grasp. “My pleasure, Lauren. Seeing you all this happy is all the thanks I need.”

“Well,weorganized it,” Isaac mutters to himself, quietly enough that I only just overhear. “But, sure, yay, Jordy.”

“Do we get a tour of the palace after this?” Lauren asks hopefully as we take our seats at a long mahogany dining table.

Our guide, a woman named Dominique, one ofmanylow-ranking staff members at the palace, gives her a horrified look. “Nie, nie,” she says in Chalonian, before adding a thickly accented, “zey do not allow theengs such as thees in ze palace.Nie, nie, nie.”

Lauren looks crestfallen.

Grayson, who’s dressed like he’s off to a costume party as a fairy-tale prince, complete with a feathered hat, explains today’s challenge to the camera.

“Today, the girls will be learning all about royal etiquette, as well as the history of the Chalonian royal family. It will becrucial,as Jordy’s partner, that the winner understand how to properly conduct herself in the presence of royalty, and, of course, the ins and outs of the country she will have extremely close ties to before long. The girl who demonstrates the most thorough knowledge of Chalonian royalty will win a whole night alone with Jordy.”

I swear Lauren cracks her knuckles under the table.

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