Page 109 of Nobody in Particular

“I’ll message you sometime, then. Good luck with everything.”

When I hang up the phone there’s a bunch of texts from Rose.

William’s agreed to help.

He has set up a meeting with the headmaster tomorrow.

Sit tight. This should be sorted by lunchtime.

I’m not ready to feel relieved yet. Not until I know for sure. And the best way I can know for sure is to organize my own backup plan.

So, I shoot Leonora Brittle an email. Leonora is the columnist the reporter introduced me to several days ago. We’ve spoken a couple of times over the last few days, going through the questions she wanted for her profile. Mostly things like where I grew up, and what my favorite TV shows are, and what I want to do for a career, along with some queer-specific questions. She was supposed to be emailing through the draft tonight, actually.

Hey, Leonora, I type.I was wondering if it’s too late to make changes to tomorrow’s article? And if so, when we need to finalize it by?

While I’m hanging around for a reply, there’s a knock on my door, and I let in a seriously pissed-off Molly.

“You know what your girlfriend just accused me of?” she asks, flinging herself into my chair and putting her feet on the edge of the desk. “Outing the two of you to her family.”

“She did?” I ask. Molly and I have already texted about the expulsion, so I’m not too surprised she’s skipping past it like it’s not happening. If anything, I’m happy to have an honest-to-god distraction from the whole thing for a few minutes.

Molly scowls at me. “Yeah, she did. You know I’d never do anything like that, right? Like, what thehell?”

“Of course I do.” I shove the glass of water I had sitting on my desk out of the firing line of Molly’s shoes before she knocks it onto my laptop. Thatwouldbe how a week like this would end, up to my eyeballs in debt to the school that’s kicking me out. “And so does Rose.”

Molly scoffs and rolls her head around to look at me like I’m being purposely obtuse.

“She’s probably still a little rattled over the fight you guys had,” I say. I think I’m being generous calling it a fight, but I’ll give them that much. “And if she’s feeling anything like I am right now, she’s paranoid. Plus, on top of that, she’s feeling trapped and controlled by her family. Please try not to take things too personally from her at the moment. I’m sure she’ll apologize soon.”

Molly sniffs. She’s hurt, and so she should be. I would be, too.

“I know you would never out us like that,” I reassure her. She kicks off from the desk to set herself into a spin on the chair, tucking her legs in as she goes.

“I really wouldn’t,” she says. “I love both of you. Even when I hated Rose, I loved her. I didn’t want her to get hurt.”

“I know,” I say. “I remember.”

She comes to a stop, facing the door, and sighs. “Of course she feels trapped and controlled,” she says. “Sheistrapped and controlled. That’s her whole thing, and it’s always going to be. As long as she’s the princess, or the queen, who she is as a person comes second.”

It’s interesting, to hear her put it like that. Whenever Rose and I have talked about her responsibilities, it’s been that I can’t matter as much as her duties. Or that her friends can’t matter, or that a potential career path can’t matter.

It’s the first time that I’ve really understood that she can’t matter, either.

“Don’t you think that’s sad?” I ask.

“Yeah, it is,” Molly says, still looking at the door. “But I don’t see it ever changing.”

And that’s the worst part, isn’t it? Rose is doing everything she can to save me. But the thing she needs saving from is the one thing nobody can help her with. Does anyone else, other than Molly and me, even notice how long she’s been treading water? And how hard it’s becoming for her to keep her head above the surface?

And even if she does manage to wrench me out of this sea, who’s going to keep her from going under?

FORTY-FIVEROSE

I would do anything to see Danni right now, but I can’t risk it getting back to the palace. Not when they’ve promised to send William in tomorrow. So, we do our best not to look at each other as we leave dinner and retreat to our rooms.

To distract myself, I message Alfie the details of the dilemma. Well, most of the details—the ones regarding Danni’s predicament. I leave out the crucial point regarding my promise to get engaged to him, though.

A feeling of dread washes over me.Engaged to him.Am I really going to do this? Can I commit to spending the rest of my life married to someone I’ll never even be attracted to, let alone love? Yes, I knew this would happen eventually. But I don’t think I’m ready yet.

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