Page 39 of Coping Skills

Chapter Sixteen

Elena managed to get herself home, though she had no memory of the drive. She didn’t even bother to text Hannah to let her know she’d be coming home. Couldn’t think about her roommates. The only thing she could think about was holding back her tears. It took every ounce of willpower not to break down in front of Daniel and hold it all back on the ten minute drive to her house.

She stumbled through the side door into the eat-in kitchen, blind and deaf to anything going on, and made it to her room. Closing her door, she collapsed on her bed, letting loose the sobs that had been threatening to escape for too long. She buried her face in the bed, trying to muffle the sounds that she couldn’t hold back anymore. Months of tears that had been held back, sucked in, and stuffed down came out in a wrenching torrent, her body heaving with the force of it.

At some point, Hannah came in, probably drawn by the sounds of her distress. She hadn’t heard the door open or close, and Hannah didn’t say anything. But she lay down on the bed with Elena and wrapped her arms around her, holding her while she cried and cried. When she’d calmed somewhat, Hannah got her a glass of water.

“Want to talk about it?”

Elena shook her head, drinking deeply.

Hannah watched her. “Do you want me to stay?”

“No.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She set the empty glass on her side table. “Thank you. I’ll be okay.” She forced a smile she didn’t feel, the truth revealed by the tears that escaped again.

But Hannah didn’t call her on it. “Okay. I’m here if you need me.”

“Thanks,” she whispered, waiting until Hannah left before changing into a cami and lounge pants and climbing into bed. The tears continued to fall, soaking her pillow. The great heaving sobs had calmed, but she couldn’t stop crying. She’d stuffed it all down for so long, convinced that if she started crying she wouldn’t be able to stop. And it seemed that she’d been right.

Elena stayed in bed all weekend. Sometimes she thought maybe she’d cried it out, and would lay staring at the ceiling, her eyes dry and gritty. But some memory would flit through her mind—an image of her dad, or something to do with Daniel—and the tears would start all over again.

Monday was more of the same. She called her professors for her important classes. Her hoarse, scratchy voice sounded convincing enough when she left messages that she was sick and wouldn’t be in class.

Tuesday morning dawned as bleak as the last few days, her tears welling up again as soon as she woke up. But Hannah had apparently reached her limit.

She knocked softly on Elena’s door and let herself in without waiting for an answer. She’d been checking in, coaxing Elena to eat and drink and take a shower. Today, though, she looked determined. Elena didn’t like the idea of a determined Hannah right now.

Hannah stood at the foot of the bed, feet planted, arms crossed, dressed in jeans and her favorite green sweater. “You need to see someone.”

“Good morning to you too.” Elena threw an arm across her face. “I’m tired, Hannah. Don’t you have class?”

Nudging her leg, Hannah didn’t let Elena ignore her. “I’m skipping today. You’re more important. We have an appointment at the Student Health Center.”

With a groan, Elena mumbled, “I’m not really sick. I don’t need to see the doctor.”

The bed dipped with Hannah’s weight as she sat down, pulling Elena’s arm off her face. “I know that. They also have therapists. Your appointment is with a therapist.”

“Seriously, Hannah?” She closed her eyes. “Call and cancel. I’m not going.”

“Yes, you are.”

Chancing another look at Hannah, Elena noticed the set of her jaw and the flash in her green eyes. Stubborn Hannah was making a rare appearance. Her friend was usually pretty easygoing, but when she decided something needed to be a certain way, there was no changing her mind. Sometimes it was a good thing. Other times, not so much.

This time fell under the second category.

With a loud sigh, she sat up. “Fine. What time is the appointment?” There was no use arguing with Hannah like this. She could refuse to go, but Matt was still around. For all she knew, Hannah would get Matt to carry her to the car, ride with them, and carry her into the Student Health Center, kicking and screaming all the way.

“Ten thirty. You have plenty of time to shower and eat something before we go.” Hannah rummaged in Elena’s dresser, pulling out clothes and thrusting them into Elena’s arms. “Here. Now you have clothes to wear and everything. No excuses. Shower and brush your teeth. Matt’s getting breakfast burritos.”

Something like a smile pulled at Elena’s mouth. It felt weird. Stiff. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled. “You’re feeding me hangover food?”

Hannah shrugged, brushing her long hair out of her face. “Your head probably hurts from all that crying, and you haven’t eaten much. I figured you could use some protein, and I know you lovechorizo con huevos.” Her voice softened. “If anything could get you to eat, it would be one of your favorite foods.”

Vision blurring from another bout of tears, this time for her friend’s thoughtfulness, Elena blinked, trying and failing to hold them back. “Thanks, Han.” Her voice came out choked.

“Of course.” Elena stood, and Hannah came over and gave her a hug. “I’m always here when you need me, even if you don’t want my help.”

More tears dripped off her face, landing on Hannah’s sweater. Elena hugged her back with one arm, her other still clutching her clothes.

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