Page 41 of Coping Skills

Chapter Seventeen

“Last time you mentioned that you felt guilty about wanting to come back to school in August?”

Elena nodded, once more ensconced in the cozy loveseat in Margaret’s office. All she needed was a nice quilt, and she could stay here forever.

“Why did you feel guilty?”

“Because I’d been helping my mom all summer, and I couldn’t wait to get away.”

Margaret tilted her head to the side. “That seems like a pretty normal feeling, don’t you think?” She paused, continuing when Elena didn’t answer. “I mean, suddenly having to take over your dad’s business and cooking meals for everyone so your mom could spend time in the hospital with your dad and then take him to and from all his appointments. That’s a lot of responsibility, especially when you’re taking care of a parent, who you expect to take care of you. Don’t you think anyone would want a break?”

This time she didn’t continue, instead letting Elena think over her words. “Yeah. I guess so.”

“Yeah. Especially since your father changed so much as a result of his accident. If I were living with someone who I expected to talk to me and spend time with me, and instead yelled at me and only ever wanted to watch TV, I think I’d want to get away, too, if I had the chance.”

Elena nodded again. “That makes sense.”

“Plus, you were always supposed to leave at the end of the summer. Did your mom expect you to quit school?”

Shaking her head, Elena protested, “No. Of course not. My mom’s a teacher. Education is very important to her.”

Margaret smiled. “Of course it is. So she never asked you to stay?”

“No.”

“And she wanted you to come back, don’t you think?”

“Yeah.” That came out as a hoarse whisper.

Margaret nodded. “Yeah. Has your dad gotten any better?”

Elena shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. She hadn’t cried as much since she’d come last week, the catharsis of telling someone all the gory details of her summer allowing her to pull herself together enough to get through her week. But now that she was back, the tears welled to the surface, and she let them, not bothering to try to fight them anymore.

“No.” She cleared her throat. “No. I went back for Fall Break, but couldn’t make myself stay after he screamed at me for trying to talk to him. All he wants to do is watch shows on Netflix. And even though he could pause the show, he gets mad when anyone interrupts him.”

Margaret made a sympathetic sound. “I’m sorry. That would be difficult.” She paused, glancing at her notebook and shifting in her seat. “Is that the reason you ended up crying in bed for three days after that?”

“Kind of. That wasn’t all of it, though.”

“Oh?” She made a note. “What else was going on?”

“Well, there’s this guy. Daniel.” Elena dropped her gaze to her hands, picking at a ball of fuzz near the hem of her sweater. She told Margaret a short version of the story of her and Daniel, and how she’d ended it after he’d gotten hurt, then tried to go over there again when she needed comfort. “He accused me of using him.”

When Elena looked up, Margaret wore the same accepting, thoughtful expression as always. “Why do you think he felt that way?”

Elena took a deep breath. “Because I was. I only saw him when I wanted to feel better. I knew he wanted more from me, and I avoided it whenever it came up.”

“Hmm. That’s not entirely true.”

“Yes it is.”

Margaret shook her head. “No. You told me that you agreed to openly date him. So at some point, you weren’t just using him to feel better anymore. You cared enough about him to date him and go to his game, wearing his jersey, because you knew it was important to him.”

Shrugging, Elena looked down again. “Or I just did what I needed to do to keep him around so I could feel better when I wanted to.”

Margaret was silent for a minute. “Is that why you did it? To keep him around?”

“No.” Elena wiped away the new tears running down her cheeks.

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