Page 49 of Coping Skills

“Why is that?”

Lifting one shoulder in a shrug, Elena firmed her lips and wiped the tears from her face. “I don’t know. Old habits, I guess. Plus, with debate, and wanting to be an attorney, controlling your emotions is necessary.”

“That makes sense.” Margaret made a note in her notebook before meeting Elena’s eyes again. “When you first started, you said you hadn’t given in to the urge to cry because you thought you’d never stop. Do you still feel that way?”

Elena shook her head. “No. Not like that. I’ll cry when I’m alone if I need to, or with people who care and understand.” She took a deep breath. “I still don’t like the looks of pity I get from people when I tell them about my dad, but that was one of the nice things about the support group. Everyone’s experienced something similar, so the looks were filled with understanding and sympathy, not pity.”

“Good. That’s good. And what about Daniel?”

“What about him?”

Margaret tilted her head. “Well, before the break, you came to some conclusions about your feelings for him, and you were trying to write him a letter. Did you ever send it to him?”

Dropping her eyes again, Elena shook her head. “No. I never finished it. Every time I tried to write it, it sounded stupid.” She shrugged. “It is what it is. I think it’s too late to change anything.”

“Hm.” Margaret shifted, crossing one leg over the other, her face thoughtful. “What do you think the purpose of apologizing is?”

Elena looked around the room, mulling that over. “I guess I always thought it was to get the other person’s forgiveness.”

“Mmhmm. And for the person who apologizes? Do you think they benefit?”

“I guess,” Elena said slowly as she verbalized her thoughts. “They would at least know they made the effort to make things right. And the other person can choose to forgive them or not, but at least they know the person who hurt them is sorry.”

Margaret gave her a soft smile. “Would you like Daniel to know you’re sorry?”

Clearing her throat, Elena met Margaret’s eyes briefly before refocusing on her hands. “Yeah. I would.”

With a glance at the clock, Margaret stood. “I hate to cut us off right there, but that’s all the time we have for today.”

Elena stood too, and they compared their schedules, picking out a new time to continue meeting on a weekly basis. While she felt stronger than she had when she first started coming, the long break made Elena want the benefit of weekly sessions for a little while longer. But she felt good, more settled about the situation with her parents. It wasn’t ideal, but she no longer carried the weight of guilt around for not being there, for not wanting to be there. Knowing that her mom was doing things to take care of herself made it easier for Elena to do the same.

But Daniel. That was a thorny mess that she couldn’t settle in her mind. She’d tried writing a letter that Friday after Thanksgiving, but she couldn’t. Normally, she was articulate and well spoken, but with him, with her feelings, with an apology for her appalling behavior—the words wouldn’t come out right. And her inner perfectionist reared its ugly head, insisting that the letter be perfect, the words be exactly right before she could send it. Since coming to college, she’d become more okay with less than perfection, shooting for excellence instead. But with this? She couldn’t accept less than perfect.

Or maybe she was falling into her old habits of avoidance. Except that wasn’t true. She’d tried to talk to Daniel. He hadn’t wanted to talk.

But she was still a mess where he was concerned, and she didn’t know what to do about it.

How fitting, then, that as she turned the corner, she almost ran into him, stopping just in time. Coop was with him, and they all three came to a sudden halt in the middle of the sidewalk, Coop’s wide blue eyes flicking back and forth between her and Daniel.

She swallowed. “Hi, Daniel.”

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