Page 50 of Counterpoint and Harmony

Carla was awe-struck, which was funny because it’s not like she hasn’t met Charlie before.

But Charlie’s natural charm took over, and Carla relaxed enough to answer the questions Charlie asked about school, the second half of her senior year, and her plans for next year. Natalie came and shooed us away after only a few minutes, but we’ll be meeting up in Charlie’s dressing room again after the show.

The lights dim, and a hush falls over the crowd, quickly giving way to applause and screams of excitement as Charlie walks on stage in a simple pink dress edged in something sparkly that shimmers under the follow spot. She beams at the audience, holding her mic at her side, blowing kisses to her fans, and waiting for them to calm down enough to hear her speak.

“Thank you so much for coming!” It’s a variation of the same speech she gave in Boise. If I had to guess, I’d bet she says more or less the same thing every show. But she’s as sincere today as she was a few weeks ago.

I’m mesmerized as she performs. A lot of the songs are the same. Ones I dismissed when I heard them on the radio, smirking at Carla when I was in high school and she’d play these same songs nonstop. Because my music was better.

God, I feel like the worst kind of snob.

Because watching Charlie perform is a revelation. She’s everything I was initially attracted to about her dialed up several notches. She’s pretty and charming and funny. She’s enthralling.

All these people dropped whatever plans they had already just to show up here and watch her perform with only a few hours’ notice. Her scheduled tours sell out arenas night after night. She has more number one hits than I even know.

And I smirked and looked down my nose at this.

When Gabby dropped out of school to go on tour with her boyfriend, I thought she’d lost her mind. Sure, I’d acted supportive, especially when Lauren was in earshot. She made me watch one of the videos of them performing together, and I had to admit that I could see the appeal for Gabby of writing and playing something she wrote. Her additions to the songs elevated them, in my opinion, made them more than just … pop songs.

But I didn’t really get it. I didn’t understand what it meant for Charlie to be a performer until I actually watched her perform.

She’s transcendent.

Entranced, I fall deeper and harder for her.

I draw in a shaky breath as I acknowledge that reality to myself. Not like I didn’t know I’ve been in love with her all along. Never stopped.

I half expected Charlie to bring it up, but she never did. And, coward that I am, I have no desire to go there either.

Much as I love her, much as I crave all forms of connection with her—including this, watching her perform—I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud again.

The only thing that’s not clear is whether withholding the admission is more of a punishment for her or me.

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