Page 63 of Counterpoint and Harmony

Chapter Thirty-Five

Prestissimo:extremely quickly, as fast as possible

Damian

My mind is blank.

No. That’s not true.

My mind is overwhelmed.

It’s like when I’m working on exercises for speed and the metronome is ticking so fast that I can’t even figure out where to come in.

Pushing my glasses up on my head, I drag a hand over my face, rubbing my eyes, then put my glasses back on. I pick up my phone again, quickly scrolling through the article that’s still open and ignoring another text from my little sister.

It’s like Christmas break and the beginning of the semester all over again. My phone is blowing up with texts from my siblings and friends, notifications of people tagging me all over social media when they share the articles over and over and over.

I thought I’d escaped all this.

But I’ve been spending time with Charlie. What did I think was going to happen?

All along I’ve been fooling myself, ignoring the reality of her life. She’s been keeping a lower profile than normal, only showing up for her pop-up shows, and I’d been lulled into the idea that her escaping massive media attention was her normal. Or maybe her new normal.

Stupid.

By the time she gets out of the shower, I’m dressed in the clothes from last night but no closer to coming to any kind of decision about what she should say or what she should do. What I should do. What we should do.

But Charlie’s all business, dressed and packing, barely looking at me as she gathers her clothes and toiletries and presses them into her small wheeled suitcase. “Natalie sent me a draft of a press release that I approved.”

I choke on nothing at her announcement. “I’m sorry, what? Without talking to me first?”Again?

She pauses, looking at me and sighing. “Don’t worry. It’s just something to buy us time. I have to say something, or it looks like we’re hiding.” Folding the shirt in her hand, she tucks it in place. “You’ve made it pretty clear that you don’t want to feel like I’m ashamed of you. And I’m not. So Natalie’s going to send out the statement that we’ve been close since our time together at Marycliff. It’s deliberately vague, but anyone with half a brain can read between the lines.”

After zipping the suitcase, she props it on end and pulls out the handle before facing me. “I won’t say anything else until you decide what this is between us. Because frankly, I don’t know. I know what I want, but I don’t know what you want.”

I blink at her, once again frozen, the metronome in my head set at prestissimo, and I’m unable to jump in. Finally, I just give up on trying to figure it out or keep up. Shaking my head slowly, I admit my defeat. “I don’t know, Charlie. I just … I need some time.”

Everything about her stills. I don’t think she even breathes for a long moment while she stares at me, like she has to absorb what I just said.

“Time.” And with that one word, she sucks in a breath, her eyes still trained on me. “You need time?”

I give a jerky nod.

She crosses her arms, her eyes cool and distant as she surveys me. “Well. I guess that’s all there is to say for now.” Looking away, she blinks a few times, then takes a deep breath and meets my eyes again. Everything about her is closed, slammed shut, locked up tight.

I hate it.

I’m not sure how to break through that armor, but I feel like I have to try.

Taking a step closer, I lift one hand. “Charlie, look—“

But she shakes her head, her hand closing on her suitcase. “Don’t worry about it, Damian. You need time. I’ll let you get started on that now. We arranged for a late checkout, but I need to get back. I’ll be in the studio all week, and then I have more pop-up shows to put together.” She moves to the door, her fingers wrap around the handle, but she stops before opening it, turning to face me once more. “Let me know when you’ve had enough time.”

And with that, she’s gone, leaving me alone in her hotel room with only my cello for company.

Once again, I’m frozen. The world is moving around me, whirring at high speed, and I’m stuck. Unable to jump in. Still.

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