Page 73 of Off Limits

Though with the way I’m feeling, that might happen anyway. At least if I told him, he’d know why our friendship is falling apart.

But I still have to live with him, and I don’t want to have to find a new roommate or a new place to live. Not right now. So I suck in a deep breath, square my shoulders, and prepare to lie through my teeth.

Just then his face brightens with some kind of dawning realization. “Ohhhh. I think I know what’s going on. It’s that chick you’ve been seeing. That’s what’s got you all twisted up. Did she dump you? Is that what happened?”

I shake my head. “Not exactly.”

He’s nodding. “Sure, sure, whatever you need to tell yourself.” He claps me on the shoulder. “We’ve all been there, man. It sucks, but you’ll get through it. Still, killing yourself in the weight room to the point you can’t actually play your position worth shit in a game isn’t the way to get over some chick.” He jerks his head toward the exit. “Come on, dude. Let’s get dinner, then find someplace to pick up chicks.That’show you move on.”

My mouth opens to protest this plan, but Cal is already moving so he won’t hear anything I have to say anyway. And besides, isn’t this what I want? To move on? That’s what I decided in the shower like twenty minutes ago, wasn’t it? That I need to move on. So what if Cal doesn’t realize that “the chick I’ve been seeing,” is actually his sister. And based on her texts and voicemails, she clearly doesn’t think she dumped me, but … her blatant dismissal of me is just as harsh as a breakup, so letting him believe that doesn’t actually hurt anything.

He wants to help me move on? I might as well let him try. Maybe if he succeeds, I won’t want to punch him in the face anymore, either.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Ellie

“What are you doing?” Autumn asks when she pokes her head into my room on Friday evening. I heard her come in after her afternoon class, but I haven’t emerged to say hello. I haven’t emerged from my room more than absolutely necessary since Simon broke up with me last week.

I stuff my phone under my leg. “Nothing,” I say, sounding exactly like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

She steps into my room and crosses her arm. “Were you texting Simon again?”

“No.” Still petulant and belligerent, but at least I’m not lying.

With a sigh, she holds out her hand and makes a gimme motion.

Rolling my eyes, I slap my phone in her outstretched palm. “I wasn’t texting him,” I grumble.

“But you were thinking about it.” It’s a statement of fact as she stares at the open text chat with him on my phone, not an accusation, and she hands the evidence back to me.

I shrug before nodding glumly. “I just want to talk to him,” I whisper, a fresh wave of tears stinging my eyes. It’s been a week. I texted and called several times over the first few days, but Autumn convinced me to stop. Said he’d reach out to me if he wanted to talk to me. That I’d made my stance obvious, and it was up to him.

Since it’s been days since I sent my last text and still no response from him, you’d think I’d get a clue. But I can’t shake the desperate hope that if I can just explain myself to him, we can work things out.

“What would you say to him if he actually called you back? Or agreed to meet you somewhere?” Autumn asks softly, sinking into my desk chair.

I flop back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and swiping away the tear that’s making its way toward my ear now. “I’d tell him I’m sorry.” I pause and clear my throat, trying to erase the wavering quality of my voice. “I’d explain myself better, make it clear thathe’simportant, just that I’m not worried about what he thinks because he’s never made me feel like I don’t measure up.” I make an incoherent sound of frustration. “Listen to me. Maybe it’s best that he hasn’t called back, because if I tell him I’m not worried about what he thinks, he’ll just get angry and hurt all over again.”

Autumn lets out a soft chuckle. “You’re probably right.” We’re both quiet for a minute, then she asks another of her quiet but potent questions. “Would it make a difference if you could explain yourself in a way he understood without getting upset, though? Because words aren’t as powerful as actions. And the fact that you’ve insisted you have to hide your relationship from your brother seems like it might be at the root of the issue. The reason he feels unimportant to you, because he’s not important enough for you to risk your brother’s displeasure, even if he’s willing to.”

I try to swallow the lump in my throat a few times, but it just won’t go away. “Yeah,” I manage to say in a hoarse whisper. “You’re probably right.”

Staring up at the ceiling, I hear the soft swish of Autumn leaving the room and the click of the door as she gently pulls it closed behind her. More tears leak out of my eyes as I continue to lie on my bed, trickling into my ears, because I don’t bother to wipe them away. Who cares, anyway?

My phone vibrates, surprising me, and my heart leaps with hope, but quickly comes crashing back down when I see it’s my dad calling, not Simon. Like Autumn said, even if I could talk to Simon, it probably wouldn’t make a difference anyway. Not unless I’m prepared to go public.

I debate sending my dad to voicemail, but I’ve been avoiding his calls for the last week. He only calls for two reasons—to tell me about a death or other family emergency or to berate me about my lack of major. Mostly it’s the latter, because there are fortunately few of the former.

Still, it’s possible he’s not calling to lecture me, and even if he is, ignoring him now will only delay the inevitable. With a sniff, I answer the call. “Hey, Dad.”

“Ellie. I’m glad I caught you. I thought I was going to get your voicemail again.”

“Sorry. It’s been a busy week.”

“Oh?” There’s no disguising the hope in his voice. “Did you finally get your paperwork turned in for nursing school? We both know you have the grades. You might need to rearrange your schedule next semester, though, to get all the prerequisites in.”

“No, Dad,” I sigh, unable to hold back my frustration at his unwillingness to see that I have no desire to go to nursing school. Nurses are awesome, and it’s definitely an important and in-demand job, but it’s just not one I have any desire to pursue.

---