Page 71 of Unrivaled

Her mouth opens again, and again, she can’t seem to find the words. Then all the fight goes out of her. Her shoulders slump, and her arms fall to her sides for a moment before she brings her hands to her face.

“I don’t know, Gray,” she says at last. “I don’t know why I’m like this with you. And it’s only ever with you that I’ve acted this way.”

That has my eyebrows climbing my forehead, and I step closer to wrap her in my arms. After a moment, she tangles her fingers in my sweatshirt and clings to me. I press a kiss to her forehead. “Am I really that scary?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” She straightens, and I let her put space between us, but don’t back up.

She shakes her head and turns to look at the door. “You make me feel too much. You always have. And it’s … dangerous.”

“Why?” She makes me feel everything too, but I’m not running away from it. I’m trying to figure out how I can get more.

When she looks at me, her eyes look like shattered glass. “Because you’re always leaving. Don’t you see? In high school, I’d just gotten out of a nearly four year long relationship. Inhigh school. That’s still the longest relationship I’ve ever had. And there you were, the quarterback for our biggest rivals who just trounced our team’s hope of making it to state, all swagger and sex and sweeping me off my feet, telling me you’ll help me get revenge on my ex as often as I want when I’d literally just decided that I didn’t want a boyfriend before college.”

She pauses, taking a deep breath and turning to face me, her shoulders square. “Andthen. I get pregnant. Because ofyou.And youleftme.”

I open my mouth to protest, but she holds up a hand, forestalling me. “And I know. I know. You didn’t know. I never was able to tell you. ButIdidn’t know you didn’t know.Iwas told you denied even meeting me. That you didn’t remember our night together.” She lets out a choked laugh, and for the first time I realize that she’s on the verge of tears. “The night that very literally changed the entire course of my life.”

“And now,” she continues after sucking in a ragged breath. “And now, here you are, wanting to be involved with Ben—which is fine, it is, good even—but you’re not just content with Ben. You wantme.” She layers her hands over her chest. “And you’re not just satisfied with some kisses or a night together, no. You wanteverything. And I … I don’t know if I can do that. Not after the last few years. Not after everything I’ve been through on my own.”

I open my mouth to say something, though I don’t have any idea what, but she keeps going, shaking her head. “You’re leaving,” she whispers. “You’re leaving in a few months, and where does that leave me? Where does that leave Ben? Where does that leaveus? You want me to just … what? Be a normal twenty-two-year-old? Just go along with whatever you want? I was going to go to college. I was going to cheer in college, get my degree in finance to make enough money so I could try my luck at cheering professionally. Ilovedthat sport. It was everything to me. And I gave it all up when I got pregnant. Changed my plans entirely. Switched to accounting so I can get a job as soon as I have my degree. And now you want me to just give up my own dreams, my own goals? Again?”

“No.” I reach for her, pulling her against my chest once more. “God, no. I want everything for you. I just want … I guess I just want us to be together while we both get everything we want.”

“How?” she asks, her voice plaintive. “How is that even possible?”

I don’t answer. I can’t. I don’t know how it’s possible. I just squeeze her tighter and hope, somehow, we can figure it out. Because I know that I don’t want to do any of it without her.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Tiffany

My outburst of doubts and fears doesn’t seem to do anything to deter Gray from pursuing me. And while I’m still worried about the future—a concern he hasn’t really addressed—I’m also glad that he’s not so easily deterred.

I’ve always been a lot. Too much for some people to handle. That was Carter’s problem with me, the reason he said he cheated. I was too much—too driven, too committed, too focused. And my other fizzled relationships all ended for much the same reason—a young single mom with goals and a plan and who puts her kid first is too much.

Some part of me keeps waiting for Gray to decide the same thing. That this—me, Ben, us, our whole life—is just too much for him to want to deal with. So the fact that he hasn’t given up is … something. I’m not sure what exactly yet. I just know that it makes me want to see what might happen next.

After our sleepover, he starts texting more regularly, calling at Ben’s bedtime to tell his son goodnight, and asking me to call him back once Ben’s asleep. I’m pretty sure I’m keeping him up later than normal, but he hasn’t complained. And he’s an adult. If he needs to get off the phone sooner, he can say so.

In so many ways I feel like I’m in high school again, talking to the boy I like on the phone as often as possible, trying to keep exactly how often from my parents.

Their reactions are mixed. My mom is mostly happy for me. “I’ve always only wanted you to be happy,” she told me one night after walking in to find me smiling at Gray’s latest text. “If he makes you happy, then I’m happy for you.”

Dad isn’t so easy to appease, though. He doesn’t really trust Gray. Not after what happened four years ago, and the fact that I believe Gray doesn’t really matter.

We’ve largely avoided the subject, because I have too much going on to want to fight with my dad on top of everything else, so I’m not sure if his hangup is that he doesn’t believe Gray or if he’s worried he’ll abandon us again.

If it’s the former, I’m not sure how to convince him of Gray’s truthfulness. I wanted nothing to do with him when he first showed up again. Even if he approached me out of some latent sense of guilt, he had an easy out from my rejection of his overtures. Plus, with him poised to make it big as an NFL player, he had every reason to stay away unless he genuinely cares about doing the right thing.

Of course that’s another potential sticking point in my relationship with him—is he only wanting to be with me out of some old fashioned sense of making things right? You get a girl pregnant, so you should marry her automatically?

Because fuck that nonsense. I have no interest in being with someone who only wants me out of obligation.

He hasn’t said or done anything to make me think that’s his motivating factor, but …

The worry still likes to rear its head whenever I let my guard down. And my dad grousing about how much time Ben and I spend with Gray doesn’t help.

So it’s with a certain amount of trepidation that I wait for Gray to come pick me up for an actual date the next Friday evening. Mom and Dad are watching Ben for us, and he told me to dress up because he’s taking me to a nice restaurant.

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