Page 84 of Unrivaled

“Why do you hafta go?” he asks between hiccuping sobs.

I pull him close and rub his back. “I’m trying to get a job for after I graduate, so I have to go to this place so they can decide who hires me.”

“What’s grad-ju-late?”

I can’t help smiling at his pronunciation. “It’s what you do when you get done with school.”

He looks at Tiffany, who’s settled on the couch next to us. “Are you gonna grad-ju-late, Mama?”

“Not this year,” she says, “but eventually.”

For some reason she meets my eyes when she says that, as though she’s issuing a challenge. But I just nod in response, because of course she’s going to graduate. I’m just hoping she’ll maybe consider switching to an online program or transferring or something so they’ll come with me. Especially if me leaving causes this kind of upset for Ben. I’m only going to be gone for a week, and he’s acting like I’m never coming back.

What’ll he do when that’s actually happening? I mean, yeah, I’ll come back for visits no matter what. My parents live here, for one thing. Even if Tiffany and Ben came with me, we’d come back for visits. And if they’re still here, I’ll definitely visit as often as possible.

But once I know where I’m going, when I move, it’ll be permanent, not just a weeklong trip.

All the more reason to convince Tiffany that I’m serious and that I want her to come with me somehow.

But when I meet her eyes over Ben’s head, the question reverberates through me like a gong.

How?

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Tiffany

It takes a while for Ben to calm down, but eventually he does. And his clinging to Gray has me agreeing to stay the night again when he asks, even though I know I’m making a mistake.

I should put a stop to these overnight visits once and for all. In such a short amount of time, my son has gotten so attached to Gray that the prospect of one week without him has reduced Ben to a worn out sobbing mess in need of an early bedtime.

I knew he’d get too attached. And I knew it would turn into a problem.

Is it really only Ben who’s too attached?a voice whispers in the back of my mind.

I try to ignore it, but that question plagues me all through getting Ben ready for bed and singing him to sleep with Gray sitting on the other side of the bed holding his hand, staying and watching him sleep for far longer than necessary.

When we eventually tiptoe out to the living room, Gray reaches for me. And just as I know that staying the night here is a mistake, I know letting him kiss me, letting him make love to me—because there’s no mistaking that’s what we’re doing—is the wrong choice.

It’ll only serve to make everything between us so much harder, so much worse, when the time comes for him to leave. If we’re already this attached after less than two months, how much more attached will we be by mid-May? How much more devastated will Ben be when Gray moves to wherever he ends up going?

And what about me?

As much as I want to ignore that voice prodding at me that Ben’s not the only one who’s grown attached to Gray, I know I’ll miss him while he’s gone. The difference is that I know that a week isn’t really that long. To Ben, a week sounds like an eternity. Which, I suppose when you’ve only been alive a few years, a week is a much higher percentage of time.

Still, will that week feel like an eternity to me once it’s started?

Maybe.

And what will happen when weeks apart is the norm? When weeks turn into months with no plans to see each other? When he’s a hot, professional athlete with his pick of women? Those guys date models and actresses, and I’m just a frumpy twenty-two-year-old sophomore who never managed to lose all her baby weight. Sure, I’m the mother of his child, but will he really care once he’s distracted by the grind and glamour of life in the NFL?

How can I compete with that?

The reality is that I can’t.

So it seems like the prudent choice to cut ties now before it’s too late.

Except it might already be too late. And when he kisses me like I hold the secret to life and touches me like he’s been tasked with mapping a sacred artifact with his bare hands, how can I say no?

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