Page 35 of The Love Playbook

I’m fine with backdoor play, but I know not everyone’s into it. And I really have no clue how Jackson would feel about that, given his lack of experience. Though he has watched porn … who knows how adventurous he got there?

Jackson:Can we do Wednesday again? That will probably be best for my schedule in general. I won’t be away for games mid week and it gives me time to catch up on homework and classes I have to miss when I’m gone for games.

I can’t help my sigh of disappointment. I guess I got spoiled getting so much of him in close succession, but he’s right. He’s busy. I am too, really. Just my type of busy is more easily rescheduled outside of classes. But if he’s gone on weekends, that gives me more time for my tarot side gig. I have a few regular clients who book readings with me frequently, but I’d like to get more. And getting a gig where I read at a party is always fun and far more profitable than the online bookings. Tiring, but fun. So having more time for that is good.

Glancing at my tarot deck, I consider consulting it about my relationship with Jackson. But really, I don’t want to know what it has to say. Because if it’s not good news, I’ll be upset and want to ignore it. And if it tells me we’re ridiculously compatible, well … I don’t really want to know that either. Because then I’ll just be setting myself up for heartbreak even more.

Happy endings don’t exist. All relationships end eventually, and all endings are sad and difficult. Either it’s a breakup—whether that be before or after getting married—or somebody dies. Those are really the only options here.

But I shake off my disappointment. Meeting once a week is probably the best idea. It gives us both time apart to spend with friends, do schoolwork, and not get too attached to each other. If we saw each other all the time, it would seem more like we’re dating. Especially since we’ve started off with actual dates so far. And yes, that’s been so Jackson can get used to dates and expectations and transitions, but since we’ve done that, maybe we don’t need to anymore. Once a week appointments makes it more like the coach or trainer type relationship I claimed in our texts.

Me: Wednesdays work great. Let’s just make it a standing appointment until you feel ready to tackle the campus’s female population on your own!

It takes me a second after tapping out the message to hit send. Maybe I’m being ridiculous—I probably am—but the thought of Jackson pursuing anyone else sends a stab of jealousy through me.

After putting it on Do Not Disturb, I toss my phone on my bed and reach for my tarot deck. I’m not going to do a relationship spread for Jackson and me. But I do want some guidance on how to work through these jealous feelings that are popping up. I have no business feeling jealous, especially not about a hypothetical future situation. And even if Jackson decides to pursuesomeone, it’s not like he’s going to go around screwing his way through the female half of campus. He’s just not that kind of guy.

So the sooner I can lay these feelings to rest, the better. For everyone.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Jackson

I’ve been keyed up all afternoon with the approach of game night. Autumn didn’t say whether or not she was planning on coming tonight when we texted earlier, but she normally comes, so I’m assuming I’ll see her.

Not gonna lie, I’ll be kinda bummed if she doesn’t show up. I know she doesn’t have any evening classes. She’s told me as much. So I don’t know how to interpret a no-show on her part except as avoidance. And I don’t want her to avoid me.

But will she take me suggesting next Wednesday as our next date as a way of putting distance between us?

It took her a while to respond to that. Long enough that I was starting to get a little worried she might not respond.

After last night, it seemed like something changed between us. Not a big change. A small shift. But she didn’t text me afterward, and she did the time before.

Maybe that doesn’t mean anything, but I can’t help paying attention and wondering … and obsessing about it like a chick.

I guess it comes from being raised by women. Between a single mom and a big sister who then became a mom herself, I was surrounded by the obsessing over every tiny detail and nuance of every interaction from both of them. Especially in the early days with Naomi’s baby daddy. That was rough. Fortunately, they’ve managed to settle into an amicable arrangement of shared parenting, even if their relationship didn’t last through the pregnancy.

But now I’m worried that whatever I have going with Autumn won’t last until I learn all that she wants to teach me. Or it will, but then she’ll never speak to me again.

And I like Autumn. I’ve liked her for a while, really. I thought she was cool when she first started coming with Dani, Piper, and Ellie to game nights. Of course I didn’t talk to her much, then. But when we had our theatre class together and I got to know her even more, I got really comfortable with her. Enough so that her outlandish suggestion seemed like a solution to my inexperience problem.

I’d hate to lose her as a friend after this.

“Dude. What’s going on with you tonight?”

I look up from the snacks I’m setting on the counter at the sound of Eli’s voice. “Huh? What are you talking about?”

He gives me a funny look and grabs the bag of baby carrots out of the bowl in front of me. “Aren’t you going to open the bag and dump them in the bowl? Or were you planning on setting them out like this?”

I blink at him for a second, then chuckle, swiping the bag out of his hand. “Ha. Sorry. Just got a little distracted.”

“Uh-huh.” He crosses his arms. “By anything in particular?”

Waving him off, I turn my back and rip the bag open, dumping it into the bowl and setting it next to the dip. We always have an assortment of veggies and high protein snacks at these, especially during the season. “Did you put out the donation jar?” Since this is a weekly event and most of the team comes, it gets expensive to feed everyone. We put out the jar for people who want to donate cash, but most people just Venmo money every few weeks.

“Course. Now, let’s get back to your distractions. Wouldn’t be because of anyone I know, would it?”

Thankfully someone thumps on the door before bursting through it with a shout of victory, saving me from answering.

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