Page 71 of The Love Playbook

Eli and I will have to work this out once we’re back since we’re roommates on the road too. But for now, our friends make sure to keep us separate, giving us time to cool off on the walk back.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

Jackson

Things remain tense between Eli and me over the next several days. Some part of me thinks I should apologize just to smooth things over even if I think I have a valid point. I realize he just wanted to help me, but when his method of helping doesn’t even seem to work for him …

How helpful is it really?

Either way, I don’t want help. I never have. I’ll get over Autumn—or not—on my own time. If nothing else, my experience with her has shown me a lot of things. I’m more confident than ever that a party hookup isn’t my style. I prefer the stability and consistency of getting to be with one person. So that means I’d rather have a relationship. And I know that I want to be with someone who wants to be withme, not just a member of the football team or one of the starting players or whatever the appeal is for the women who frequent parties with the goal of banging one of us.

Even though Autumn has a reputation for basically being a jersey chaser, I think her interest in football players has more to do with the fact that they’re conveniently available rather than some specific kink for star athletes.

And the fact that she’s avoided all football team related events, even though all three of her roommates still come, is evidence enough that she’s not really a jersey chaser. I can’t decide if she’s stopped coming out of respect for my feelings or because it’s also difficult for her.

Or maybe both?

Iwantto think that her feelings for me are strong enough that seeing me would be as painful for her as seeing her is for me. But the handful of times I’ve encountered her on campus, she’s given me her usual warm smile, like she’s trying to pretend there was never anything more than friendship between us.

Regardless, no one else is appealing right now, no matter how many women my friends try to run at me at a bar after a game, like last weekend, or randomly around campus like they’ve been doing all week.

Everyone except Eli, at least. While things between us might be chilly, reducing us to minimal necessary communication and none of our usual relaxed chatting when we’re both home, he’s at least listened to me enough to stop trying to get me to hook up with someone else. Or maybe he’s just mad enough that his anger makes him not want to help me anymore.

Whatever the reason, I’m grateful.

It’s Wednesday, and I’m not too proud to admit that I’m moping in my room, wishing I could be at Autumn’s instead of here. Although, given when and how she ended things, I have a feeling this Wednesday was never on the calendar. At least not her calendar. I foolishly expected things to continue indefinitely, that she’d make excuses to “teach” me more or that I needed more practice or … something. And then … she’d fall in love with me and we’d ditch the pretense and just be a couple.

That was what I wanted, what I secretly hoped for down deep where I could barely admit it to myself.

But now that it’s all over, I can dredge up all those secret longings and spread them out to examine and wallow in my sadness.

Dani is here, which has apparently become a regular thing while I was at her house. She’d come hang out with Eli since Autumn would kick her out of their house. Apparently sometimes Ellie and Piper would come too, but since I’m not there today, it’s just Dani.

Somehow having her here makes me more morose. I don’t know if it’s that she reminds me of Autumn or if it’s because I know Eli has a major crush on her and she’s apparently clueless, but I really resent her presence. I feel more awkward than normal when I go out to the kitchen to grab a drink of water, trying not to listen in on their conversation, but unable to help it.

Dani’s mid sentence when I walk in. “… said she’s fine, but her bumper looks pretty bad.” My ears perk up, wondering who she’s talking about. “But you know how Autumn is.”

At the mention of Autumn’s name, I freeze, not risking any movement obscuring what Dani’s saying.

“She’s all love and light and everything’s fine. She said something about crystals and oils, and Ellie said to just leave her alone and she’ll ask for help if she needs it. But I don’t know. I’m worried she’s more banged up than she’s letting on.”

“Autumn got in a car accident?” I demand, coming into the living room.

Dani’s face is inscrutable as she looks me over and nods slowly. “Yeah. Earlier today on her way to class.”

I’m aware of Eli’s gaze on me as well but don’t spare him a glance. “Where is she now?”

“At home.” She draws out the words like she’s not entirely sure she should be telling me this.

But as soon as I hear them, I’m heading back to my room to grab my wallet and keys. If Autumn’s hurt, I need to see for myself that she’s okay.

“Jackson,” Dani calls on my way to the door, but I don’t stop.

“Hey, man.” Eli jumps in front of the door, glancing quickly at Dani before focusing on me. “She might not want to see you.”

“Then she can tell me herself. And I can see how badly she’s hurt while she does it. If she needs to go to a doctor, I’ll report back to Dani and let her handle it if she turns me away. Okay?” I nod firmly, not waiting for anyone else’s answer or agreement. Eli lets me push past him and out the door, clearly aware that trying to stop me wouldn’t end well for anyone.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

---