Page 13 of Offsides

Is that why he kissed me the other night?

Was it not about me looking pretty for once and more about me suddenly being actually available?

But …

Wouldn’t he have said something? Anything? Ever?

This isn’t the first time Luke and I have broken up. It’s not like it was the only opportunity Eli’s had to try to actually be my boyfriend if that’s what he wanted.

Shaking my head, I resume walking, my mind still whirling as I grab a cart and head down the aisles, grabbing food almost on autopilot.

I feel shitty for shutting out Eli for the last six days. Especially when it was clear he wanted to talk at the gym last week.

But I didn’t have it in me to hear what he wanted to say, no matter what it was.

There were really only two options:I really like you and want to kiss you moreor,I’m sorry I kissed you. Let’s just be friends.

The first one, on the surface, sounds really nice. Who doesn’t want to be wanted? But given the nature of our first kiss, I’d always wonder at the back of my mind if that’s what he really wants more of. More of the girl who does her makeup and dresses up and knows how to do her hair. Because even if I’m interested in learning more about those things, I don’t actually know any of them right now, and I don’t want to feel pressured to do it more just for a guy.

The second one, well … that’s the one I have my money on, if I’m honest. And after such a recent rejection, I don’t have the strength to be rejected like that again.

So I’ve taken the coward’s way out and just … ghosted, basically. Which is shitty. I know it’s shitty. I need to have a conversation with Eli. It’s just that it gets harder to initiate that contact with each passing day.

But apparently the universe has decided to solve the problem for me, because I turn into the produce aisle and nearly collide with Eli.

His face lights up at the sight of me in a way that makes my heart squeeze. And then he shuts down again just as quickly, which makes my heart hurt.

“Hey.” He offers the simple greeting in the same way you’d approach a strange dog. Gently edging closer, hand out, voice soft to show that you’re a friend.

“Hey,” I return just as softly. “Sorry about—”

He waves a hand, cutting off my apology. “No need to apologize. Things have been a little … strange.” He gives me a small smile. “How are you doing?”

“Alright.”

He eyes my cart. It’s about half full of paper towels—it’s my turn to supply those—plus most of the produce for my meal plan this week. I still need to hit the dairy and meat aisles, plus a couple treats. Ellie and Piper got back yesterday, and I told Ellie I’d grab some of the creamer she likes. “Are you almost done with your shopping? Would you … I mean, can we finish shopping together?”

“Yeah.” It comes out strangely hoarse, so I clear my throat. “Sure. Yeah. That would be nice.”

I hate this. I hate how awkward I feel around him now. And while I can blame him for some of it—hekissedme, after all—the fact that I’ve been avoiding him for a week is part of the reason for it, and that’s all on me.

Reaching past him, I grab a bunch of carrots and a few other veggies. I need to hit the freezer section for a few more things since there are slim pickings for fresh veggies in January. Or at least ones that taste decent and weren’t shipped from halfway around the world.

Eli falls in step with me and follows me around the store, grabbing groceries from his list as we go. For a second it almost feels like old times. We’ve gone grocery shopping together a ton. Eli’s a bit of a foodie, and every so often he’d get a wild idea to make something and off we’d go to the store.

He cracks a few jokes, and I force myself to smile and laugh like normal, then follow him through the store for his last few items before we head to the checkstands.

He’s all smiles and flirting with the middle-aged cashier, which I know is his default, but for some reason it really irks me.

Like how dare he have the audacity to kiss me last week and then flirt with another woman in front of me today?

I know he’s not actually hitting on the cashier. He’s being his usual self. This is how he is with everyone, which is why I thought he was flirting with me when we first met. Until it became abundantly clear that this is just his default setting, and actual flirting with him involves much more touching. And kissing.

Which is what makes last week so confusing. He barely touched me. At least not the way I see him touch other girls he’s trying to hook up with, and when he did, it was well within the bounds of our normal relationship. But then he kissed me.

Why did he kiss me?

What does it mean?

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