Page 44 of Reckless On Ice

It’s as simple as that for Contraire. His personal life doesn't affect his time on the field. Now he’s free to experience the fullness that life offers without hiding parts of himself to make others more comfortable. As we leave the coffee shop, Contraire appears even taller than his impressive six-foot-six frame, his head held higher, and a new light in his eyes as he takes in the world around him. A world that just opened up by coming out, and it’s remarkable to watch.

I close the browser on my phone. He said he wants to find love and not hide his feelings. Is he taking a swipe at me because I won’t tell him how I feel? Did he come out like this to show me he’s over me and not going to wait for me to get my shit together?

I hop off the bike and abandon the cooldown workout. I need to go home. Fuck! I run a hand through my hair. I don't even have a home to go to, just Westy’s lumpy guest room mattress and curtains that don’t close all the way, so light streams in around them and I can’t nap properly before games.

“It’s a nice article. Good for him, right? Dude seems cool,” Westy says, looking up from his phone as I pass him.

“Shut it,” I snap.

As I head back to the locker room, I think through Knox’s motivations. Maybe this has nothing to do withme. It feels personal, but it doesn't have to be. The idea of him wanting to make someone happy someday is driving me insane. He shouldn't be with anyone else. He’s always been mine…

Am I really going there?

I can’t put any claim on Knox, no matter what the screaming voice in my head, or maybe it’s my dick, seems to think. Not when I was the one too scared to tell him I wanted him. I was too much of a coward to embrace the part of me that thinks divergently, feels more, and looks different from what I was told I should want or need.

“Care to comment on my latest piece, Kingston?”

I look up to find Lilah leaning against the wall outside the locker room, looking professional in a tailored black pantsuit with a bright red shirt that matches her lips, her hair up in a high ponytail. She’s the last person I want to talk to right now, but maybe she has answers for me.

“Why did Knox do that?” I ask. “Off the record. I’m not speaking to you as an athlete and a reporter. This is only because we’re kind of friends.”

She smirks. “Kind of friends? That’s so compelling.”

“You know what I mean,” I say, jamming my fingers back in my sweaty hair. I could use a shower badly and I’m sure Lilah smells me, but she’s the one waiting for me, so she’ll have to deal.

“Knox said what he needed to in the article. He wanted to tell his story after hiding and letting others tell it for so long. He’s done with that. What did you think of it?” sheasks.

“I think it’s crazy. He didn’t have to go public like that. Now everyone knows his business when it shouldn't matter,” I say. “It’s going to change his life.”

“Maybe that’s exactly what he wanted,” Lilah says with a smile that is too knowing. I hate that she has the inside scoop on Knox, and I can’t ask her anything that would tell her how I’m feeling. “He’s showing up as the man he’s always wanted to be, so the person he’ll be with someday sees they can, too.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snap, pacing the width of the hallway.

“It’s an indirect quote from Knox in the article. He knows he has to come out and live as a gay man publicly and proudly to ensure whoever he ends up with feels comfortable being with him, since he’s a public figure and all.”

Is that why he did it? That’s insane. But it does make some sense, I guess. “Is he okay? Has he gotten a lot of shit from people?” She’ll know exactly what I’m not saying aloud. I’m really asking if people are being shitty like I was when that person caught me on video and my remarks went viral. I hate that I started something that could come back to haunt Knox now that he’s trying to live boldly. He doesn't deserve even one rude comment about him.

Comments on the Hydras’ social media from Pride Night were mixed. Plenty of fans were supportive and liked our initiative, while others were super hateful. Comments likestick to hockey,no longer a fan, this is sick,when is straight night, not watching,andridiculous! It’s one thing to be gay, which Ihave nothing against, but now you’re forcing players to wear those jerseys? That’s a no for mewere common enough during the campaign. All the jerseys were auctioned off and brought in thousands of dollars for Outlanta, and direct donations topped another twenty thousand, which was more than we expected. Westy, Campbell, Rook, and Nico even offered to join me in volunteering at some other events Outlanta is putting on, so we will continue the Hydras partnership. They’re a really cool foundation and I like what they’re doing.

“He’s okay,” she says, her face serious, whiskey eyes swimming with emotion. She waves a hand in the air and blows out a breath as she continues. “There’s the expected vitriol from sports fans who don't want to see anything but the status quo and say they’re not interested in a player’s sex life, yet don't make a peep when a girlfriend or wife is shown on a Jumbotron or talked about in an interview, so you know they just don't want to see anything gay in their face. But there has been some good stuff, too. A few new sponsors reached out, and he has some unexpected opportunities presented that weren't in his plan. Overall, I think it’s been positive. He’s happy.”

He’s happy without me, is what I hear loud and clear, and that feels like a knife to my heart. He’s better without me dragging him down. “Thanks, Lilah,” I say, nodding and swallowing the hard lump in my throat.

“You should reach out to him,” she offers as I head into the locker room. I just lift a hand to let her know I heard her.

Twenty-four

Knox

“How do I look?” I ask, turning in a tight circle and smoothing my hands down the lapels of the bespoke suit I had made for events just like this.

“Like I can bounce a quarter off that ass and you’re going to break a bunch of hearts tonight,” Lilah replies from where she’s lounging on my couch. “Are you sure you don't have a suit that doesn't fit quite so well? That one is molded to you and leaves nothing to the imagination. You know you’re going to an event for a gay app, my friend. You’re a walking temptation. If you don't want to be slobbered over by everyone and their bestie, you might want to change. Even I’m struggling right now, and I know you’re not into me.”

Laughing, I spin again. “I take it that means I look fucking good, and I should feel great about my chances tonight.” I wish I was interested in hitting it off with anyone other than Ryder, but alas, my heart is a fool for a fool.

“Your chances are one hundred percent that you will be in everyone’s spank bank, regardless of their orientation. So yeah, dust your shoulders off because you lookso good,” she says, standing and coming over to do just that.

“Thanks for rizzing me up. I’m kind of nervous about this. It’s my first event being out, and for a new sponsor that is literally so gay. There’s a lot that feels weird about tonight,” I admit. I consider all the changes that have occurred since the article ran. Mark has pulled in full-time PR to handle some of the backlash, as well as the unexpected outpouring of support.

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