Page 45 of Reckless On Ice

The NFL, and my team, have been generally supportive, even if a few were initially standoffish. Luke was the first to come over and hug me, telling me how proud he was to be my friend and that he loved the article. He’s been wonderful as always and told me he has my back, and nothing will change between us. Antwon, being the hot-headed jerk he usually is, loudly announced to the locker room that he didn’t want to change around me because he felt uncomfortable with a gay man on the team.

In a moment of bravery brought on by finally living my truth, I told him there’s nothing about his cranky, ashy ass that even remotely turns me on, so there’s never been a moment where I’ve even considered checking him out, clothed orotherwise. The entire teamoooh’dand roasted the shit out of him for the burn and being a whiny bitch about the situation. After that, the ones who were a bit hesitant eased up and realized I’m still the same person they’ve known for years, and coming out didn’t change anything for our team. I’m grateful it went that direction, rather than going up in flames and costing me my career as I expected.

However, in a shocking turn of events, my coming out actually secured me a new sponsorship from the Vers app of all things. I’m now the new face of the faceless gay dick pic app, even though it’s not advertised that way. Instead, it’sa place for gay men to connect anonymously without the pressure that is often associated with dating offline. Tonight, I’ll be hosting an event Vers is putting on in Atlanta to celebrate the launch of a new feature, which is a local matching option, to assist with dating, so you can take your online hookups into real life if you want to. The app has been wildly popular, and this new feature is highly anticipated. I’ll even be shooting a commercial for them, which is beyond anything I imagined for myself.

“You do public speaking engagements all the time, this will be a piece of cake to show up and pose for photos, talk to reporters, then rub shoulders with a bunch of people for a few hours while you drink. Just be yourself and enjoy the evening. The best part is, you don't have to hide a single thing about yourself tonight!” she says excitedly. “Now go, your ride is downstairs, and I’m jealous Vers sent a car for you like you’re a superstar.”

“You can be my date to the next fancy event I go to,” I tell her to appease her FOMO.

“I will cash in that receipt, just wait,” she assures me.

I take a moment to snap a photo of Goldie in her tank and send a text to Ryder that I hope I won't regret.

Knox: [photo] Goldie misses you. She wants you to come home. I’m not the dad you are, and she knows I wanted to flush her. She judges me for it.

I exit my messages and lock my screen, not expecting a reply from him. I pocket my phone and head for the door with Lilah on my heels.

“What does Vers stand for, anyway? I’ve never looked it up,” she says as she follows me out of the condo to the elevator.

I look over at her and grin when I push the button for the ground floor. “It’s a term meaning you’re willing to be a top or a bottom for anal, rather than being one or the other. So if you’re vers, you don’t mind giving or receiving.”

“They named an app after a term related to anal? You have to be fucking kidding me. That is the single greatest thing I’ve ever heard,” she says as her smile stretches across her face. “Having a dick must be so great. I have the biggest case of penis envy right now, you don't even know.”

We both howl with laughter as we ride the elevator down together so she can leave and I can go to my event as a gay man, rather than Knox the athlete, who never talks about his sexuality.

The deep purple carpet matches the Vers app logo and is strewn with people posing in front of the step-and-repeat backdrop for photos with various news outlets and photographers. As my town car pulls to the curb outside the swanky hotel, I take a deep breath and open the door.

“Mr. Contraire, this way please,” a woman wearing a headset and holding a clipboard says as soon as she sees me. “I’m Tia, and I’ll be walking you through the press before we get into the party. Just follow me.”

Well, that’s a pleasant surprise. I expected to be alone for this. Having Tia direct me is already a welcome change.

“Thanks, Tia, it’s nice to meet you.”

She nods and walks me to the start of the purple carpet gauntlet. “This is Sergio Mendes. He’s a singer and another Vers ambassador. Sergio, this is Knox Contraire, from the Atlanta Condors,” Tia says, introducing me to an incredibly attractive man. He has caramel-streaked brown hair that flows to the collar of his shiny royal blue slim-fit suit which sets off his perfectly bronzed skin, highlights his stunning brown eyes, and is topped by a smile so white he could do Crest commercials.

“Knox, it’s so good to meet you,” Sergio says, reaching for my hand and clasping both of his around it. He pulls me in and kisses my cheek. I swear it has to be fifty degrees warmerthan the rest of me as I blush furiously.

We’re out in public where anyone can see us, and he has no problem kissing me? It was one thing to be in a gay club dancing and touching men, but this feels so different, and I like it. Sergio’s voice is melodic and makes me want to listen to anything he says, and his smile and direct eye contact give him an effusive, charismatic charm that makes you feel like you have all of his attention. It’s overwhelming in the best way.

“Wonderful to meet you,” I manage, taking my hand back from him and staring a little longer than is polite, I'm sure, at his perfectly symmetrical face. No one is that perfect; he has to be augmented in some way, or he’s blessed by the gods.

“Come, let’s face the vultures together and make the best of it. I hate these things, but find it’s easier when you have a friend by your side,” he says, taking my hand and leading me to the first media station for a LGBTQ+ podcast.

“Knox, you are freshly out, congratulations,” a woman with rainbow-streaked hair says into a microphone when Sergio stops us in front of the barrier. He’s still holding my hand and squeezes it reassuringly, which actually helps. “How has your entry into the LGBTQ+ world been so far?” She holds the microphone for my answer.

“Thank you. It’s been eye-opening, and feels like I’ve been welcomed with open arms into a family I didn’t know was waiting for me,” I say honestly. “The outpouring of support has been unmatched, and more than makes up for any negativity I expected, given my position in professional sportsand as a public figure.”

“The gays know how to throw a party and welcome their people,” Sergio says by my side, rubbing my arm affectionately, and I smile his way.

“We know advocacy and charitable work are important to you. Are there any organizations or causes that are particularly close to you that you plan to work with going forward?” the podcaster asks.

“I was recently introduced to an organization called Outlanta that works with at-risk youth right here in Atlanta. They provide counseling and resources for kids who either can’t come out or are unhoused because their families kicked them out when they did. As someone who didn't feel safe to come out as a teen, their work resonates with me, and I would like to partner with them to further their cause,” I answer.

I’m picking at a fresh wound that isn’t fully healed by saying this now.

My parents…haven't come to terms with my coming out. I called them before the article ran and told them, and they were confused, given how well I’ve guarded this secret from them. Immediately, Dad said that my path wasn't God’s will for us. It stung to have him criticize my truth, even as an adult, but tracks with how I was raised. I don't think it mattered that I told them I’ve known since I was little that I was gay and it wasn't a choice. It’s not something I can change or hide any longer. Mama cried and said she’d hoped I would marry and have a family. I told her I still hope to someday, it’ll just look alittle different from what my brothers and sisters have. Dad was quiet until the end of our call when he told me to be safe, and that he didn't want to see me hurt, which choked me up and had me in tears as I hung up the phone. It was so like him to just want what’s best for me and to see me taken care of, even if he doesn't understand me. It will take time for them, but I hope we can see eye-to-eye someday on this.

I can see this having been a bigger fight when I was in high school, though. I could have been one of the kids who had to leave my family if I’d come out to them when I was younger. I would have needed the services of an organization like Outlanta if that had been the case, and I’ll be sure kids like me have the resources they need in the future. I’ve already donated money to them, but my time is just as valuable, and I plan to give that as well.

---