Page 47 of Reckless On Ice

“I was in a different headspace, okay? This was before his coming-out article, anyway. He was still in the closet, so it’s not like he had anything to stand on.” It’s a weak argument, and I know it.

“Bro, he did that for you.” I can feel Westy’s eyes boring into my face as he stares at me in disbelief.

“What are you talking about?” I ask, merging onto the highway.

“The article, coming out so publicly. He made several comments about his future man, and being the man he’s always wanted to be, so his future man can be, too. It was really cute, and he was talking about you, you big dummy. He went out on a limb, took that big, bold step first, and showed youhe’s ready to be in the spotlight and will make it okay foryou. He knew you were afraid to come out, and didn’t see him out, so why should you be? So he went even bigger. That dude has balls.”

He has no idea. But I don’t say that. Knox’s balls are for me, and me alone.And maybe that dude in the blue suit he was photographed withmy dick voice reminds me, unhelpfully. That guy was way too hot, and Knox had his arm around him in a few photos. He said he wanted to be with someone proud to be by his side in that same article, and look at him posing with another guy not a week later. He’s an incredible man, and I know I’m not the only one who sees it. But I’ve been too afraid to step up and be there for him the way he deserves. Maybe I’ve waited too long.

“Well, Knox may not think I’m worth waiting for, since those photos were taken yesterday and he looked oh so friendly with that hot guy with the amazing smile,” I mumble as I work to not strangle the steering wheel. Maybe if it was that guy’s scrawny neck.

“Oh, come on. You never know what’s going on in photos like that. They were taken at an event, they could have been told to pose like that. Why not just ask Knox? Then you’ll know for sure and won’t have to guess at the nature of their relationship, if there even is one,” Westy says, sounding way too wise.

“Have you been through this before?” I ask as I take the exit for the arena.

“No, but I’ve seen this in movies so many times. You’re stupid if you do anything but ask him about it, and I know you’re not stupid. A dummy about emotions and your orientation, maybe, but not outright stupid.”

“Thanks for that vote of confidence,” I say with a frown.

“Oh, after practice, you should totally go to his place and surprise him with flowers or something and tell him how you feel,” Westy says, smiling in his excitement as I pull into the parking garage.

“He’s gay, not some chick who wants that kind of treatment,” I say and shudder. “That sounds awful. Why would you even suggest that? It’s not like I’m going to pick him up for a date or some shit.”

“Dude, movies, duh. And everyone likes flowers, not just chicks. You’re such an asshole. No wonder you’re the one who messed things up. Now you have to make things better somehow. You left, he came out in a big ass public article where he made it so fucking obvious how he feels for you, now it’s on you to fix things. If not flowers, you have to figure something out. Grand gestures or some shit, I think. We’ll tell the boys and figure it out during practice and get you sorted,” he assures me.

“No, I don't want everyone to know,” I say immediately, the thought of my entire team knowing my secret sending a shot of fear careening through my body and knocking every nerve on its way until I’m a frayed mess. They’ll make fun of me. It’ll be high school all over again.

“You think they don't already know? I bet they do, and no one’s going to care. It’s not like you hit on us or anything.” He unbuckles and hops out of the SUV, grabbing his coffee and bag.

Could my teammates already know I’m bi, and not care? He’s right about me not finding any of them attractive. They’re all disgusting, honestly. I spend too much time with them and know their worst habits. I watch them sweat, bleed, spit, fart, and do ungodly things regularly. None of that is sexy.

When we walk into the locker room, Westy claps his hands to get everyone’s attention, and my heart rate jacks up. “Kingsy has something to say, and you better be supportive.” He turns to me and nods. That’s it? That’s all the warm-up I get before I lay myself bare before my team?

My hands shake, and my entire body is coated in a sheen of sweat as I look around at the semi-interested faces of those assembled. “I, um, I’m bi,” I say haltingly, and in just a loud enough voice that I’m not sure they can even hear me.

“So what? Is that going to change what we do for practice today or something?” Nico asks as he straps on his pads.

“You owe me twenty bucks,” Rook says, turning to Campbell as he pulls his practice jersey over his head.

“I’ll Venmo you,” Campbell grumbles, tying off his uniform shorts and begrudgingly pulling out his phone.

“Should have listened to me when I said I saw him go off with Knox at the club, and I had a feeling there was something more than friendship between them,” Rook says, pointing atme.

“You’re betting on me, now?” I ask, incredulously. “And no, you didn’t see anything. Remove that from your brain,” I insist, looking at Rook.

He laughs and looks at Nico, who holds out a fist for him to bump.

“Don’t worry, bro, we were too busy with Lilah to really see anything,” Nico assures me.

I guess my team really doesn't care about my sexual orientation or that I might have a thing for Knox, after all. My shoulders slowly lower, my heart rate gradually returning to a normal speed as I look around at the uninterested faces. It’s a stark difference from the hate and constant shit I got from my high school team for even having a close guy friend. This is…weird.

“Hey, so, since you’re into guys and would know, can you tell me, is my chest better than Davy’s?” Chad asks, pulling his gitch off and flexing his bare chest next to the muscular, stoic Russian, who is eyeing him warily.

“It does not matter whose chest is better. It’s ball size,” Davy answers seriously, leaning forward and slapping the back of his hand into Chad’s testicle region. Chad groans and drops to his knees. “See? Big balls drop faster. Must wear jock.” He goes back to taping his stick like he didn't just take out our left winger right before practice.

“Hey boys,” Monty says as he walks in behind us. “What did I miss?” he asks, looking around the room, then betweenWesty and me standing like idiots in front of everyone.

“Kingsy told us he’s bi and thought we’d care,” Chad says, using the chair in front of his stall to climb back to his feet, sufficiently recovered from the nut tap.

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