Page 109 of The Comeback Summer

Once we’re both stuffed and a little tipsy, we walk to our hotel. Our room is beautiful, but as soon as the door locks behind us, we can only focus on each other—undressing,touching, tasting. It’s all heat and desire and sweet, aching tenderness, and when it’s over, we end up talking for hours because we don’t want the night to end.

We’re lying like we used to when we were teenagers, on our sides with our foreheads touching, whispering to each other in the dark as we fight off sleep. He’s telling me about the apartment he’s going to check out next week. It’s in Old Town, halfway between my place and the aquarium, and close enough to the lake that he can easily go for a run.

“Do you want to see it?” he asks, finishing.

He says this so casually that it takes me a moment to realize what he’s asking.

“You want me to come with you?”

Moonlight from the window glints off his eyes as he nods. “I want to make sure you’d feel comfortable spending the night. Spendingseveralnights. And maybe, down the road...”

He trails off, breaking eye contact with me, a sure sign that he’s struggling with what he wants to say next.

“Down the road?” I nudge his foot.

“Spendingallthe nights,” he finishes, lifting his eyes to meet mine.

“Wait—are you asking me to move in with you?”

He shrugs, a flash of vulnerability in his expression. “Not yet. I know it’s fast, but time is confusing, isn’t it? We’ve only been back together for a few weeks... but we’ve been together since we were fifteen. I don’t want to rush things—”

“But we don’t want to waste any more time,” I finish, and he nods. “I’d love to look at the apartment with you.”

He exhales, relieved, and pulls me closer, until we’re flush against each other, my head tucked under his chin. “Good, because I need to get out of my parents’ house.”

There’s an unexpected edge in his voice; anger, maybe? Sadness?

“What’s going on with them?” I ask, tentative. It hurts to think that they’re unhappy that Josh and I are back together.

“It’s... just been hard,” he says stiffly, and then shifts the subject. “Have you talked to Libby? About Serena and Preeti, I mean.”

“Not yet.” I don’t know how to explain it to her: my deep yearning to take the project and run with it, all by myself, to see what I can do on my own. But there’s more at stake than my personal desires—and not just our business, either.

Now that Josh is back, I’ve been drifting away from my sister. I’m glad she opened up to me about Adam, but the very fact that I didn’t already know shows that we’re not as close as we should be. This project for Serena and Preeti will only widen that distance, and it’ll be my fault.

Josh taps on my temple lightly. “Let me in,” he says. “Please?”

I smile, realizing the QHT has gone on for a while. I’m not sure how to explain, so I shift my weight until I’m flat on my back. He does the same, and we lie side by side in bed, staring up at the dark ceiling above us.

“Have I told you much about when my dad left?” I ask.

“Just the basics.”

“I was only seven, so I don’t remember a lot.” I pause, searching for the words. “But I do have one crystal clear memory. Libby and I were watching a movie and I went to ask my mom to make us some more popcorn. She was on the phone with a friend, talking about the divorce. She was crying.”

I remember how disorienting that was, to see my mother in such a vulnerable state. I’d been sheltered from most of the tumult of the divorce by Libby.

“My mom didn’t see me,” I continue, “but I heard her say, ‘Apparently he needs to follow his passion, whatever the fuck that means.’ It was the first time I’d heard my mom swear, so that was shocking, but what stuck in my mind was the despair in her voice, the way she spat out those words. ‘He needs to follow hispassion.’ ”

My throat closes in and I can’t speak anymore; I’ve journaled about my parents’ divorce, but I haven’t let myself feel many of those buried emotions. I know that the collapse of my parents’ marriage is more complicated than this; they married too young and never worked well together. But I hope Josh understands what I’m trying to say, because I’m not sure I can put it into words.

I glance over at him. He’s staring at the ceiling, his expression thoughtful. “You internalized your mom’s words,” he says. “That following your passion hurts the people you love.”

I nod, grateful; he articulated it better than I ever could. “I want to work on Serena and Preeti’s book and make itmyproject—but I can’t shake this feeling of guilt, like I’m abandoning Libby.” I swallow. My throat feels thick. “I know what it’s like to be abandoned by someone chasing their dreams. And I—I can’t do that to my sister.”

Tears run down my cheeks, and Josh wraps his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and breathe in his familiar scent.

“You’re not abandoning her,” he says. “You deserve a chance to do somethingyouare passionate about. Libby would want you to be happy.”

---