Page 128 of The Comeback Summer

I square my shoulders and the words come roaring out: “You’ve kept me dependent on you because it makesyoufeel better about yourself. Youneedme to need you. Well, guess what? I’m done with that. I’m done with everything.”

And I turn and run, knowing my sister can’t catch me.

Forty-Three

LIBBY

I couldn’t catch Hannah if I tried. And it’s clear she doesn’t want me to. That’s what hurts the most.

My vision blurs with tears and I slump onto the bench, trying to make sense of all the words my sister just threw in my face.

How can she think I want anything but the best for her? I’ve been the opposite of selfish—literally everything I’ve done in the last five years has been for her. I used to have friends, I used to have a social life—I used to be in three book clubs! I had a standing brunch every Sunday with a group of girlfriends! I went to happy hours at least three days a week! I used to have a life.

And I’m not sorry for how I handled things with Josh. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but it was the right thing to do. If I hadn’t, Hannah would have continued to let life pass her by, waiting for Josh to come back.

Now, five years later, history is repeating itself. But this time, I’m not going to be there to pick up the pieces of her broken heart. Not that she wants me to.

Two women walk by, laughing and talking as if their world is just full of sunshine and roses. They look alike, and I wonder if they’re sisters; if they’re both as happy as they seem, or if one of them is harboring hidden secrets and hurt.

My stomach twists at the fresh memory of Hannah’s face, the devastation in her eyes, the pain and shock followed by pure rage.

Hannah has always been the one easy relationship in my life, the one person I didn’t have to try with. But who knows how long she’s been keeping her real feelings about our roles from me. Resenting me for being myself, for fulfilling my side of our partnership, when I had no idea she wanted anything to be different.

She doesn’t want to work with me anymore.

The thought makes my head spin—she can’t really mean that. She can’t walk away from our business, from the plan we’ve had since we were little girls, imagining the day that we would take over GiGi’s empire. It was our dream.

At least, it was my dream.

I realize now, too little, too late, that I never asked Hannah if it washerdream.

Frustrated, I stand up and start walking, directionless, kind of like my life.

•••

AN HOUR LATER,I’m still wandering in circles around the park. I’m tired of being alone in my head; I wish there was someone, anyone, to talk to.

When I reach for my phone, it sinks in, just how small my life has become. This isn’t something I feel comfortable talking to Suji about, and I haven’t kept up with any other friends.I have my sister and I have the Freedman Group. There’s no one and nothing else.

Out of habit or desperation, I swipe over to the One+One app, but I can’t talk to Adam anymore, either. Not as myself or as HannahF.

I flip back to the last text he sent, when he said he’d like to get to know the real me. But if he saw the real me, the way I acted today, he’d want nothing to do with me. And I wouldn’t blame him.

My chest aches. There’s no reason to keep this stupid app if I’m not helping my sister anymore. If I’m not using it to talk to Adam.

Before I can change my mind, I delete One+One from my phone, taking hours and hours of conversations with Adam about everything and nothing with it. Gone. Over.

I swipe over to the Uber app to call a ride home, but when I see Maggie Daley Park on the map, I stop.

Just because Hannah’s giving up doesn’t mean I should. I have the training schedule; I know what I need to do to stay on track. She probably expects me to quit without her nudging me.

There’s a fire in my belly, and I get the tingling sensation that comes before a good idea. I’m going to dominate the Down & Dirty. I’m not doing it for Hannah. I’m not doing it for our business. I’m doing it for me.

Before I lose my nerve, I stand up, brush the dirt off my leggings, and walk back to Maggie Daley Park. I’m going to get my fat ass in a harness and climb that damn wall.

Crush Your Comfort Zone

THE ULTIMATE CHALLENGE COMPANION JOURNAL

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