I feel Hannah’s eyes on me, but I can’t bring myself to look at her. Instead, I stay laser focused on Lou, giving her a smile I hope doesn’t appear as false as it is.
“It’s so good to see you,” I say.
“Yes, so good,” Hannah echoes.
“Everything is going great,” I say, wondering if I should be giving Hannah the opportunity to take the lead here. “We’ve been busy, but we—”
“Cut the crap,” Lou says. “Be real with me here.”
Lou looks from Hannah to me and back again, but my sister and I stay quiet. As much as I want to tell Lou everything, I remind myself that she is not the imaginary friend I’ve been writing to in my journal—she’s the leader of a massive self-help empire who has the power to save or shutter our business.
“I’m not leaving until someone tells me what’s really going on,” Lou says. “I’ve got all day.”
Hannah’s biting her cuticles, and I’m torn between wanting to shake my sister and give her a hug.
“I know this is uncomfortable,” Lou says, “but if you’ve learned anything in the last few months, it’s that you need to lean into the discomfort.”
She’s right about that—this whole summer has been nothing but putting myself in uncomfortable situations, both physically and emotionally.
“Libby,” Lou says, looking at me. I bite my lip to keep my mouth shut. “Hannah.”
My sister’s eyes dart between me and Lou. If she’s trying to tell me something, I can’t understand what. But it looks like she’s about to break.Dammit.I know it’s proving everything she said right, but there’s too much on the line. I need to control this narrative.
“Fine,” I say. “I’ll tell you.”
Hannah exhales in relief, and I feel like a good big sister again.
“Hannah and I had an argument the other day,” I admit. “We’ve been keeping secrets from each other, and it seems we both want different things.”
“Secrets?” Hannah says, whirling around to glare at me. “There’s a difference between me not communicating about how I’m feeling stifled at work, andyoumanipulating my relationship and getting my boyfriend to dump me! Ifyoucan’t see the difference, then there’s nothing else to talk about, Libby.”
She’s fuming as she folds her arms, but I catch tears in her eyes.
“When did this happen?” Lou asks Hannah.
“Five years ago,” Hannah says, her voice wobbling. “But I just found out last week.”
Lou looks at me, her expression more curious than judgmental. “Why did you tell Hannah’s boyfriend to break up with her?”
“Because—” I sputter. “Because I didn’t want that asshole to hurt her anymore.”
Lou turns to Hannah. “And, Hannah, why didn’t you tell Libby your feelings about work?”
Hannah swallows, then whispers, “Because she loves this company and I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“Ah, so you tried to keep each other’s comfort zones comfortable, not wanting the other to be hurt,” Lou says, nodding. “But tell me, my sweet girls. What ended up happening?”
Hannah and I are silent, but we both know what she’s getting at: we hurt each other anyway.
“When I walked into this office three months ago, do you know what I saw?” Lou says. “I saw two sisters so in tune with each other it was like they were two halves of the same whole. I was a little worried, to be honest. It’s not a healthy way to live, and it’s not an effective way to run a business. But do you know what I see today?”
She pauses. I want to reach out and link my pinky finger with Hannah’s, but I’m not sure how that would be received.
“I see two women who are blossoming as individuals for the first time,” Lou says approvingly. “And I see two sisters who are trying to love each other the best way they know how.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I glance over at Hannah. I hope she knows that even if it was misguided, I did it because I love her. Because watching her suffer is worse than any other pain I can imagine.
And it hits me—that this is exactly where I went wrong. I care so much about my sister that I was willing to risk anythingto keep her from being hurt. Willing to go behind her back. To undermine her autonomy. To lie to her, for years.