Hannah turns and looks at me like she’s seeing me for the first time. And maybe she is—this new and improved sister who understands and respects boundaries.
“I appreciate that,” she says after a beat. “But I do believe that Josh and I needed to end—back then, I mean.”
“Yeah?” My eyebrows arch in surprise.
“If we’d stayed together, we never would’ve had the chance to grow as individuals. Kind of like what Lou said about you and me.”
“And now?” I ask gently. “Do you think you’ll stay together?”
If they don’t, my sister will be crushed, and that will crush me. But I’m not so sure anymore that Josh is the villain I’ve made him out to be for all these years. He’s just a human being, like everyone else, stumbling his way through life.
“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Hannah says. “And I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about that with you.”
Ouch.I glance away so she doesn’t see how much her words sting.
“Only because I need to figure it out for myself,” she says.“But I’m so scared that if I lose him, I’ll fall apart again. And I’ll never be able to put myself back together.”
Her voice falters on the last word, and I reach for my sister’s hand, squeezing it.
“You won’t break without him,” I tell her. “The situation is different, and you’re a different person now. Yes, you had a hard time back in college, but look at you now—Josh has been gone for weeks, and you haven’t fallen apart once!”
Hannah scoffs. “You haven’t heard me crying in the shower?”
“Feeling your feelings isn’t the same as falling apart,” I say—which sounds like it could be a Lou-ism.
“I’ve definitely been feeling them,” she says, sighing. “Speaking of guys,” Hannah says, “have you heard from Adam lately?”
“That would be a big, fat no.”
Hannah hesitates, but then her words come tumbling out. “I know we literally just talked about boundaries, but after all the buttinskying you’ve done to my relationship, I feel like I deserve a turn. And I think you should give Adam another chance.”
“No way,” I cut in. “It’s over.”
“Libby,” Hannah groans. “He really liked you.”
“Liked,” I say. “As in past tense.”
“Feelings that deep don’t just change after one little miscommunication.”
“One big lie, you mean.”
Hannah shrugs. “I wish you could—”
“Before you say you wish I could see myself the way you do, let me stop you. This has nothing to do with whether or not I think I deserve someone as wonderful as Adam. It has to do with the fact that I broke his trust. And you can’t build a relationship if you don’t have the foundation of trust.”
“I was just going to say that I wish you could talk to him and explain where you were coming from. Have coffee or something.”
I wish it were that easy.
Hannah bumps my shoulder with hers as we keep walking, our pace picking up naturally. It feels good to be out here with all the other active people and not feel like an outsider.
“Want to run for ninety?” I ask, figuring we can push ourselves a tiny bit without risking our rested body state.
Hannah grins. “I thought you’d never ask.”
Forty-Eight
HANNAH