Page 142 of The Comeback Summer

I’m going as fast as I can, but the ground is cold and slippery, and when my hands slide out from under me, I fall flat on my stomach with a grunt. It feels very symbolic of where I am right now, emotionally—stuck in the muck, unable to move forward.

Two other participants squeeze past, barely giving me a backward glance. I can’t just lie here as Josh gets farther and farther ahead, so I force myself back up to my hands and knees. Mud and crushed grass squelch between my fingers; the air smells dank and swampy. I start to crawl, but something tugs on the back of my shirt.

Shit. I’m snagged on the barbed wire. I twist around to try to pull myself loose, which sends another barb scraping down my neck.

“Ow,” I hiss.

“You okay?” Josh calls from up ahead.

My face heats with frustration. “I’m fine. Keep going—I’ll catch up.”

I spit out a mouthful of dirt as I contemplate my options: my best bet is to wiggle backward out of my shirt and finish the rest of the race in my sports bra.

But as I start scooting backward, trying to lift my shirt over my head, something tugs my scalp, hard, like a hot poker lancing the skin.

“Dammit,” I whisper as I realize what I’ve done. My hair is caught in a barb.

Panic ricochets through me—but then I look up and realizethat Josh is crawling back toward me. Even with his face streaked with mud, he somehow manages to look ridiculously hot. The Down & Dirty ought to use him as a model for their ads.

“Are you stuck?” he asks.

“No, just taking a rest in the middle of a freezing mud bog.” I sound petty and frustrated, but my scalp hurts and my back hurts and my fingers feel like frozen fish sticks.

When Josh reaches me, he sucks air through his teeth. “Oh shit, you really are stuck. And bleeding, too. Let me see if I can get you out.”

He wiggles around until he’s behind me, the mud sloshing as he moves. I can’t see what he’s doing, but I feel a sharp tug on my scalp and yelp, “Ouch!”

“Sorry, sorry,” he says. There’s more tugging of the wires stuck in my scalp and shirt; I grit my teeth to keep from crying out again. “Your hair is like a rat’s nest on here. I think we should ask one of the race officials to cut you out.”

“No!” I shout, reaching behind me to swat at him. If we get any help at all, we fail the obstacle.

“It’s just thirty burpees, Han. I’ll do them with you.”

“It’s not the burpees!” I say. “I don’t want to fail—”

“Most people fail at least one obstacle—”

“I don’t want to lose, okay?” I shout, and my eyes fill with tears. I don’t want to losehim.

He scoots around until he’s next to me, and I wipe my eyes quickly with my hand, then look at him. My breath catches; he’s so close it hurts. I can see each individual eyelash ringing his deep blue eyes. I can see dirt embedded in the creases in his forehead, water droplets caught in the dark stubble around his lips. Every tiny detail of my favorite face on the planet.

“The point isn’t to win, remember?” he says gently. “Thepoint is to do it together, as a team. To help each other cross the finish line.”

“Is it?” I say, smacking the soggy ground in frustration. “Please, explain it to me. Is that the point, Josh? To do it together?”

His eyes narrow in confusion. “Yes...”

“Then why won’t you choose me?” The words are out before I can stop them, desperate and pleading.

“Hannah...”

“No, no, I get it,” I say quickly. “Our lives are going in different directions. I shouldn’t have said that.”

Josh hesitates, his lips parting like he’s wrestling with his next words. Like he doesn’t want to hurt me, even though he knows he must.

I can’t handle the sadness in his eyes, so I squeeze mine shut. My mind drifts back to our conversation on the Ferris wheel, when he told me what he wished he’d said the first time he left. And I remember my words back to him.You’re the most important person to me in the entire world. And I want you to be happy. Even if that means you need to leave.

It’s still true. And I can walk this path; I can go on without him. I’m not going to break.

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