Page 56 of The Comeback Summer

I scoff. “Yes, you did. You told me over the phone when you dumped me.”

He blinks. Stares at me for a few seconds. Then drops his eyes to the floor. “I... that wasn’t true.”

I suck in a breath. “What?”

“There wasn’t anyone else.”

“Why did you say it, then? Why would you—”

The realization washes over me, and I slump against the seat, my mind reeling. He wanted to stay in Australia, to continue his studies, and he didn’t know how else to make me understand that we were really, truly over.

He opens his mouth like he’s about to speak, then closes it again.

“What?” I prod.

But he just shakes his head. To his credit, he looks deeply ashamed.

I don’t know how to process this revelation, on top of everything else. The wounds are so deep they’re practically etched on my bones. Should I be glad that he didn’t leave me for another girl, just for another life?

My eyes fill with tears, and I angrily wipe them away.

“When your ex broke up with you,” I say, facing him, “did you have any warning?”

His jaw muscle flexes. “Hannah, I—”

“You bought a ring, so you were hoping to marry her.Planningon it. Right?” He nods, and I press on, unable to stop. “How did that feel, to have your world turned upside down? Did you feel stupid? Worthless? Discarded?”

He closes his eyes, his forehead knitting in pain. Even though it hurts to realize that he’s thinking about another woman, at least he’ll understand what it was like for me.

“It hurt when Kayla left, of course it did,” he says, opening his eyes, “but looking back, it’s clear that we weren’t right for each other. I’m sure you feel the same way about us, and I don’t blame you.”

Several emotions hit me at once: relief that Josh isn’t still in love with Kayla; a twinge of hurt that he thinksweweren’t meant for each other, either. And on top of that, frustration. Because he still doesn’tget it. He thinks that when he left me, my broken heart healed, that I realized we were better off apart.

“Josh,” I say, “I’ve never been glad that you left. I’ve never, not for one moment, been glad that we didn’t end up together.”

“That’s not—”

“I mean, intellectually I know it’s a good thing, because you didn’t want to be with me, but I have never had that thought in my brain: it’s a good thing Josh left. Never, ever, ever.”

“Hannah—”

“Do you honestly not understand what you did to me? It didn’t justhurtwhen you left. It fucking destroyed me. It was like—like getting my legs cut off and everyone around me is telling me to get up and walk and I’m looking down at my missing legs thinking, how? How am I ever going to walk again?”

“Hannah, please let me—”

“No, I need to say this. I understand that it was a tough time for you, and I’m sorry for that. I really am. But, Josh, youbroke me. I’ve never been the same. And I know it was the right thing foryoubecause you found your dream career. You moved on. Fine, you and Kayla didn’t work out, but at least you’ve been able tohavehealthy relationships. I’m completely stunted—”

“No, you’re not—”

“You wouldn’t know! You haven’t been here!” I’m freely crying now, unable to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. “You haven’t seen me try to date other people and realize it’s not going to work, it’s never going to work, because I’m still stuck on my high school sweetheart. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is—”

“It’s not—”

“—and how pathetic I feel? I’ve never even had an orgasm with anyone but you!”

Josh stares at me, wide-eyed with shock. I break off, breathing hard, and slump against the seat, wishing I could dissolve into it. I have never felt so stupid and small in my entire life.I’m still stuck on my high school sweetheart.I didn’t want him to know that. Ever.

“I’m sorry,” I say after a beat. “That was inappropriate of me. I’m—”

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