Page 74 of The Comeback Summer

My deepest fear? Josh. I’m terrified to move forward with him, but I’m terrified to NOT move forward with him. Being with him feels like I’ve found a long-lost piece of myself, like I’m finally whole. But I’ve also gotten used to living without that piece; I’ve adapted. If I let him in, what happens if it doesn’t work out between us? I don’t know if I can survive having that piece ripped away again.

The thought of trusting him is scary, and the point of this whole challenge is to do things that scare me. But when it comes to Josh, what exactly is my comfort zone? It used to be him, when we were together, so maybe I shouldn’t return there. But being alone is far more comfortable now, so getting back together with Josh will be stepping away from that.

I don’t know what the right decision is, but I do know that I want to be braver. Maybe that’s my answer.

Twenty-Six

HANNAH

Lou breezes into our conference room at eleven on the dot for our scheduled check-in. She’s a sparkling cotton-candy vision in her pink pencil skirt, pink blouse, and rose-gold jewelry.

“My girls!” she says, spreading her arms beatifically. “How are y’all doing?”

Under the table, Libby links my pinky finger with hers, a silent reminder that we’re in this together.

“Great, thanks,” Libby says. “How are you?”

“Just peachy, sweetheart,” Lou says, smiling. “Your office sure is bustling with activity. How lovely. Anyway! I can’t wait to hear about the progress y’all have made. Hannah, shall we start with you?”

I hesitate briefly; while I’ve been doing the required components of the challenge—the dates, reading Lou’s book, journaling—I’m also wrestling with a decision that could mean dropping out: getting back together with Josh.

I’ve written down all the potential pitfalls in my journal: the risk of being hurt again, fracturing my relationship withmy sister, harming our business. It’s my attempt to sort my tangled-up emotions into neat sentences, lists, bullet points. The irony is not lost on me that I’m using Lou’s program to decide if I’m going to keep going with her program.

“I’ve gone on five dates so far,” I tell her. Rob the Generic White Guy, Landon the Sore Loser, Gunnar the Axe Thrower, Mateo the Tandem Cyclist, and Danny the Dancer. It would have been six if I hadn’t canceled on Adam last week. I’m not sure Libby has fully forgiven me for that one; she’s been guarded ever since.

Lou raises one perfectly arched eyebrow. “Only five? We’re on week six.”

“She has another date tomorrow,” Libby chimes in.

I didn’t know about this, but I nod and mumble, “Yes, tomorrow.”

“All right,” Lou says, tossing her blond bob. “Keep an eye on your pace, darlin’. There’s a reason we do these challenges in twelve weeks, not twelve days or twelve months—it’s the sweet spot for making a lasting difference in your life. Change needs time, yes, but it also needs a timeline. Oh, I like that! I should use that on the podcast.” She grins, holding her hands out to me. “Let’s see your journal.”

I reluctantly slide it across the table, hoping she doesn’t see everything I’ve written about Josh. Lou flips through the journal quickly, and I’m relieved to see that she’s just checking that I’ve filled the pages.

“Well, well, well,” she says, nodding. “Someone is taking this seriously. I’m impressed, Hannah. How are you feeling? Has it made a difference?”

This is a question I can answer honestly. “Yes, it has,” I say. “I’m more aware of why I’m staying in my comfort zone. And Iwouldn’t say I’ve crushed it, but I’ve realized that I’m suffocating myself by staying safe.”

Lou’s eyes widen, like I’ve said something profound. “You’re right—safety can be suffocating. Proud of you, girl.”

“Can I ask a question?” I say. Lou nods, and I go on. “What if... I end up liking one of the guys I meet and want to stop dating anyone else? How would that affect the challenge?”

Next to me, I can feel Libby’s suspicious gaze on the side of my face.

“Hypothetically,” I add quickly.

“There are no hypotheticals in life,” Lou says, shaking her head. “Just facts. But then we attach emotions to those facts. That’s what complicates things. Understand?”

I do not. But before I can ask for clarification, Lou turns to my sister. “Now, Libby! How’s it going with those workouts, getting ready for your big race?”

Libby describes the training program, and Lou smiles. “Marvelous. Now let’s see that journal.”

As Lou flips through Libby’s journal, her smile dims. I only get a few glimpses of the pages, but I can tell that they’re mostly blank.

Lou slides it back to Libby, sighing. “This can only change your life if you allow it, dear. You must be a full participant.”

Libby nods, looking chastened. “I understand.”

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