Page 117 of Until Next Summer

“I’ve been right here,” I say, my voice sharp with emotion. The sting of his rejection is suddenly as fresh as ever.

“I know,” he says. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t you, it was—”

“Oh, please. Don’t say it was you.”

Cooper takes a step back, surprised at the bite in my voice.

Now that we’re here, face-to-face, all the sadness and confusion I’ve been feeling bubbles into anger. Last week was crushing. It felt like I’d failed Jessie, betrayed the memories of my mom and Nathaniel and Lola, and let down all the future campers who won’t know the magic of Camp Chickawah. And without Cooper, I had no one to talk to, to help me process everything.

“I really needed you this past week,” I tell him. “And you disappeared.”

“I know,” he says, his voice small. “I’m sorry.”

I think back to what Jessie said, about how Cooper’s reaction didn’t seem like him. Has he been going through something, too? If I was being the kind of friend to him that I needed, I would have pushed through his withdrawal and asked him about it. Instead, I retreated, using my sore feelings like a shield, protecting me from more hurt.

“I’m sorry, too. I should—”

“No,” Cooper says, stopping me. “You don’t have anything to apologize for. It really was me. Seeing that jerk down on one knee, it just…”

His voice fades. The emotion in his beautiful gray eyes is palpable. Maybe he’s fallen for me, too.

But then he looks away, and I know there’s more to the story. Something tells me I should sit for this, so I take a seat on top of the picnic table.

“What happened?” I ask.

Cooper blows out a long breath and sits next to me. The few inches between us are buzzing with energy, and I hopethat whatever he’s about to say brings us closer together instead of pushing us further apart.

“I told you about my reputation back home,” he says. “At first, I leaned into it. I loved being wanted by all those beautiful women. It was thrilling; no strings, just sex. But eventually, the physical connection wasn’t enough. The highs weren’t worth the lows that came afterward. And then I met Julia.”

“Did you propose to her?” I ask, desperate to get to the point.

“No,” Cooper says. “Someone else did.”

I’m relieved, even though I have no right to be. Especially because it’s clear this Julia woman hurt him. I reach for his hand, lacing his fingers with mine. It’s the first time we’ve touched in days, and it’s such a relief to feel the familiar roughness of his palms, his thick fingers. I feel steadier, just touching him, and I think he does, too—his shoulders relax a little.

After a moment, he continues. “I met her out at an industry night, and we instantly hit it off. She had this way of calling me on my shit, and there was something magnetic about her personality. She would draw me in, then push me away, like it was a game. I couldn’t get enough. She traveled a lot for work, and I was busy, but we’d hook up whenever we could. Pretty quick I realized that I didn’t want to see anyone but her. I was ready to build a life with someone. And I thought she could be the one.”

Cooper pauses, and I start rubbing my thumb over the back of his hand. I know this isn’t easy for him to talk about.

“One night, I was in the kitchen at work and I spotted her walking toward the bathroom. I wasn’t supposed to be at the restaurant that night, and I thought she was in New York forwork. As soon as things slowed down a bit, I went out to the dining room to surprise her. Except I was the one who got a surprise.” His voice is shaky; the wound is still fresh. “I got out there just in time to see her boyfriend become her fiancé. Apparently, I was her ‘fling before the ring.’ ”

“Ouch,” I say. Cooper grimaces.

“It gets worse. Julia saw me standing in the middle of the restaurant, frozen in place. I was waiting for her to tell me it was a joke, that I was misreading the situation. But she looked away. Kissed her fiancé, left me standing there like an idiot. I managed to hold it in until I went back to the kitchen, then I kind of exploded. Two waitresses I’d hooked up with caught wind of the situation and apparently wanted to get in on my downfall. It got ugly. I ended up getting an entire batch of lobster bisque thrown in my face. Luckily, it was still room temperature.”

Cooper takes his hand from mine and removes his Red Sox hat. He runs his fingers through his hair before replacing the hat. “Not my finest moment,” he says.

That must’ve been awful. I don’t know what to tell him, so I just say his name. Then:

“Did you lose your job over it?” I ask, remembering how he was a last-minute addition to the summer staff.

“Not exactly. Atlas, my boss, is a good guy. He told me this was rock bottom, which meant the only way to go was up. But I had to be ready to make a change. This summer is supposed to be a sabbatical. A break. I have to let him know soon if I’ll be coming back in September.”

September. A hollow pit opens in my stomach at the thought of this summer ending, of Cooper going back toBoston, me going back to Chicago, Jessie going…I don’t know where she’ll go.

“Anyway, seeing Aaron and you, it brought all of that back.”

The hurt in his voice makes my own heart ache. His reaction makes sense now—Julia didn’t just break Cooper’s heart, she made him think less of himself, that he wasn’t good enough to be more than a fling. I feel a twinge of envy toward this woman who made Cooper want to commit—not that I expect that from him, of course not; my head knows that. Unfortunately, my heart hasn’t gotten the message.

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