Page 129 of Until Next Summer

“But if all goes well?” she says, squeezing my hand so tightly it hurts.

“Then this place will be ours,” I tell her, hoping I’m speaking the truth. “Forever.”

thirty-two

Jessie

I wake in the dark to my alarm, and it takes a moment to orient myself. I’m in my cabin, and Luke and I are leaving soon to drive to the county seat to meet the judge.

Anxiety crackles in my stomach. The camp’s future—my future—is riding on the next few hours.

Luke’s already up, so I dress in the dark, then head out to find him. He’s sitting on the porch steps, writing in a notebook. When he hears me behind him, he flips it shut.

Something in his posture seems odd.

“Hey,” I say, touching his shoulder. “You okay?”

He meets my eyes for a split second before looking away, into the darkness of the woods surrounding the cabin. “Yes.” He swallows. “No. I don’t know.”

I sit next to him on the steps, confused. “What is it?”

In response, he shakes his head. His profile, illuminated by the single porch light behind us, is rigid with tension.

“Luke?” I say, my worry growing. “Please talk to me.”

“I don’t—” He exhales, shaking his head. “There are a bunch of summer camps in New York, did you know that? A couple nights ago, I couldn’t sleep, so I was looking them uponline, which is bizarre, I’m aware of that, but I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Hopefully I won’t have to look for another job, though,” I say slowly. “If everything goes well today.”

“I know, and that’s so great, Jessie,” he says, looking at his hands. “I’m thrilled for you, and for everyone who loves this place—me included. You get to stay here and keep doing what you’ve always wanted, what you werebornto do, and I couldn’t be happier for you.”

“So…why don’t you sound happy?”

“I am. Honestly—I just…” He tosses the notebook down next to him. “I told you this would happen—that it could happenso easily, and it has, and it’s not like I went looking for this, I didn’t—but now…”

He trails off, running both hands through his hair in a gesture of pure frustration.

I’m still confused—and worried. “What are you talking about?”

Luke looks over at me, his eyes stormy, anguished. “You told me not to say it, Jess.”

It hits me then: we were in his bed, waking up together the morning after Scout died. He said spending time with me was terrifying, and I asked him why.Because I could fall in love with you so easily.

And I said,Don’t say that.

Startled, I sit up straight. “Luke…”

“Yeah.” He sighs. “I’m sorry.”

I turn to him, eyes widening. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because the last thing you need is another complication. If everything goes well today, you’ll spend the next fewmonths completely focused on starting this co-op, which is what youshouldbe doing. But I can’t help thinking about what would happen if I stayed here, too, which is ridiculous because it’s not like you’ve asked me to. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m falling head over heels…” He squeezes his eyes shut. “Sorry.”

I blink, dazed. Does he think the only reason I agreed to stay with him in Michigan was because I had nothing else to do? That if the camp doesn’t close, I won’t want him to stay?

“I’m sorry for bringing this up,” he says. “I hope you know that I’m rooting for you, and for this camp, no matter what that means for us. Okay?”

My heart fills with something so big and bright and wonderful I can hardly hold it. He’s falling in love with me. The knowledge settles over me like sunshine, warming me from the inside, gently coaxing my own confession out of me—feelings I’ve been scared to express or even acknowledge.

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