Page 38 of Until Next Summer

Even if we did have a fling, it’s not like I’d jump into bed with him. I’ve only slept with four people in my entire life, and I was in a committed relationship with each of them. But maybe we could…make out or something?

“I’m pretty sure they’re in the sexual health aisle,” Cooper says, with the knowing look of someone who regularly buys condoms.

I make an “ick” face, imagining any derivative of the word “sex” on an aisle sign at Walmart.

“Kidding,” he says. “But let’s go look.”

We find them in Aisle 17, Family Planning. The selectionis overwhelming—although thanks to my latex allergy, my personal options are limited.

“Which ones should we get?” I ask Cooper, since he’s the one with a penis. The thought of that—his penis! Which he just offered to let me get to know!—makes me squirm.

“Hmm,” he says, studying the selection. “My gut says the glow-in-the-dark ones. Cuts down on the chance of losing it in the bushes.”

A laugh bubbles out of me. The package he’s pointing to is right next to the flavored ones. Feeling emboldened, I grab packs of both and throw them in the cart. “Think anyone will need the jumbo size?”

“Maybe just one pack,” Cooper says, winking. My stomach flips. “And we should get some that are ribbed for her pleasure.”

My cheeks grow hot at the thought of Cooper considering my pleasure. I flash back to the sounds of Zoey and Zac in the room next to mine. I wonder if Cooper has heard them, too.

“None for his pleasure?” I say in an attempt to flirt back.

“Uh…the ultra-thin ones are for his pleasure,” Cooper says, his eyes twinkling as he slides the packs off the rack. “Think we need anything else?”

I hesitate, eyeing the latex-free packages. “Maybe some of these,” I say, not meeting his eye as I toss them in the cart. Just in case.

—

An hour later, we’re finally back on the road to camp.

“That poor checkout lady was so confused by our haul,” I say, shaking my head. “And when you said we worked at a camp!”

Cooper laughs. “Hey, the crafts could be for the kids, and the condoms for the counselors.”

“If that’s what it was like being a counselor, then I really regret my decision not to come back.”

“That’s what the whole falling-out with Jessie was over, right?”

The tiny hairs on my arms stand at attention. “Did she say something to you?”

“No, no,” Cooper says. “I just put the pieces together.”

I exhale a sigh of relief. “Yeah, well, that’s exactly what happened. It was her dream for us to be counselors together.”

“But it wasn’t yours?”

I twirl my hair around my finger, feeling a twinge of guilt, even after all these years. “I wanted us to be best friends forever, like we were at camp, but when it came to my future, I was chasing a different dream.”

“Did you end up getting it?”

“Some of it,” I say, thinking about Aaron and the one item I won’t be checking off my list anytime soon. The more distance I get from that last conversation, the more certain I am that I deserve a man who doesn’t need a summerlong “break” from me to bang whomever he wants. A man who reaches out to ask how I’m doing, not for my Netflix password.

My attempt at a smile falls flat, and I lean back, looking out the window. The trees pass by in a blur. Time feels like that sometimes, like it’s moving so fast that things lose their shape; like you’ve lost your sense of reality. Then when it all slows down, you look up and don’t know where you are or how you even got there.

“How about you?” I ask Cooper, desperate to get out of my head. “What’s your dream?”

“For a hot minute, I was living it. Running a kitchen at a top restaurant in Boston.”

“What happened?” I ask.

---