Page 63 of Until Next Summer

“Um—thanks for the tea,” I say. “And thanks for listening, Luke.”

He nods. “Thanks for watching my dog, Jess.”

Just like before, the shortened version of my name feelsintimate. I flash back to the memory of being in the water, his arms around me, his voice in my ear.I got ya. You’re safe.

That’s how it felt, talking with him. Safe. Like he was holding me, gently bringing me to shore, warming me from the inside out.

I want to put my arms around him. I want to lean into the crook of his neck and breathe him in. I want to stay.

But then I shake myself. And give him a small wave before heading down the stairs.

seventeen

Hillary

“I’m going home,” I tell Cooper. We’re in the kitchen, tucked into the corner by the walk-in cooler. Dinner is starting in fifteen minutes, so everyone is too busy to notice or care what we’re doing.

Not that it matters anymore.

I choke back a sob and curse myself for listening to my stupid sentimental heart. Nostalgia is about looking back, not literallygoingback. My dad and Aaron were right. It was crazy for me to come here, to put my entire life on hold and walk away from everything I’ve worked so hard for. If I’d stayed home or just come for a weeklong session like a normal person, Jessie wouldn’t have gotten her hopes up. And I wouldn’t have let her down. Again.

“What are you talking about?” Cooper asks, tilting my chin up so I’m looking at him. There’s concern in his gray eyes, and I turn away. It hurts too much.

“Jessie wants me to go,” I say. “I’ll be on one of the buses this Sunday.”

“Chef! Where do you want the bacon?”

“Give me a second,” Cooper shouts, then turns back to me.

“Fire’s ready!” another employee yells, and Cooper hisses out a breath.

“It’s okay, go,” I say, even though I desperately want him to stay. “I’m not leaving today.”

“We’ll fix this,” he says, giving me a kiss on the forehead before getting back to work.

—

Half an hour later, I’m sitting alone in a shady spot at the edge of the lawn, away from the bustle of activity. It’s just me, my feelings, and my plate, loaded with the elevated BBQ fare Cooper and his team made.

If only I hadn’t lost my appetite.

Everything looks delicious: a blue-cheese-stuffed turkey burger, champagne-Dijon-mustard potato salad, Chinese coleslaw, and a watermelon-feta salad.

The feta makes me think of Aaron. It’s hard to fathom that I was considering—no, planning—a future with him. On paper, he’s everything I thought I wanted. Now, I want to crumple up that paper and throw it in the trash. Instead of making my heart grow fonder, this distance has made my head grow clearer. And it’s telling me that my heart was never really in it with Aaron at all.

My stomach rumbles, but not from hunger. It feels like an engine revving up, the kick in the butt I need to end things, to make our break permanent. Just because I’m going home doesn’t mean I’m going back to him.

I reach for my phone, which is burning a hole in my pocket. I had it on me today so I could take pictures of the flags for the parade. Of course, it’s useless out here. I glance longingly in the direction of Jessie’s cabin. I haven’t seen hersince she stormed out of her office. Now I imagine casually walking in as if nothing’s happened between us, all, “Hey, boss, mind if I use the Wi-Fi so I can unceremoniously end a second relationship today?”

But even as I laugh at the implausibility, I wonder: does the signal reach outside her cabin walls?

It’s worth a shot. I pick up my plate and make my way over, keeping my head down lest anyone try and make small talk. I sneak around the corner to the far side of the cabin. Her bedroom is on the other side of the wall.

Taking out my phone, I suck in a big breath, hoping for a signal. All I need is one bar.

There’s nothing.

My heart deflates—until I remember a trick Dot shared the last time I had trouble connecting. I switch airplane mode on, then off, and watch the spinning wheel, holding my breath for good luck. When the tiny single line pops up, I exhale in relief and type out a quick text to Aaron before the signal drops.

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