Page 103 of Battle of the Bookstores

“Right?” I shake my head, wiping my eyes. “I just—I don’t understand what he wants.”

“It sounds like he cares about you,” she says. Then, more carefully, “It sounds like he’s…maybe in love with you?”

“How? He hardly knows me!” The words burst out. “Six weeks ago, we hated each other, and yeah, we’ve been spending a lot of time together, but not enough to say I’mendgameor whatever the hell that means.”

“So you don’t feel the same way?” Georgia says.

I freeze, running a hand through my hair. HowdoI feel about Ryan?

“I’m insanely attracted to him. Physically.”

“Do you like him? As a person?”

“Yes.”So much.“He’s kind and funny and thoughtful.”

“But…”

“But I’m confused about tonight! He wanted it as much as I did, and then he’s pulling away and saying hecan’t do this?”

“Sounds like he was trying to communicate his personal boundary. He doesn’t want to have sex without a deeper connection. Contrary to what many people believe, men crave emotional intimacy just as much as women do.”

“Thank you for that fascinating point, Dr. Klein,” I say dryly.

But I’m thinking of what Ryan told me about the customerwho used him to act out her romance novel fantasies. Or the one who implied he wasjust tall. Does he think I’m doing the same?

“Wedohave an emotional connection,” I say. “More than any other guy I’ve been involved with.”

“How so?”

I think back over our interactions—once we got through the hostile phase. “I can relax around him. Like I don’t have to try so hard, if that makes sense? I feel…looser, I guess, when we’re together.” I sigh, shaking my head. “That sounds silly—”

“Not at all. How comfortable you feel around a partner is a huge indication of the success of a relationship.”

“We’re not in a relationship, though! Which is a good thing, because look how I’m acting, and nothing even happened.”

“I mean, I wouldn’t call tonightnothing.” Georgia smirks. “But that’s an interesting point. I can’t think of any guy you’ve been this shaken up over, even after dating a while. I’ve never seen you have much of an emotional response at all.”

“Maybe I’ve never liked anyone that much,” I say, which makes me wonder what’s different about Ryan.

Or maybe I’m different with him.

“Or you never let them get close enough to you to matter.” Georgia gives me a supportive smile. “Which makes sense, with what you saw growing up. Mom’s terrible relationships, all those boyfriends who dumped her and left.” She pauses. “But Ryan didn’t leave you, Jojo. He’s asking formoreconnection.”

My eyes fill with tears again. “Maybe I don’t know how to connect with anyone. Maybe I’ve spent so much time withbooks that I never learned how to handle real life, real relationships.”

Just like Mom.I hate considering this; I’ve always tried tonotbe like her.

“You had to handle more ‘real life’ at age ten than most people at age twenty-five,” Georgia says. “You’re just careful about who you let in, and that’s understandable. Is there anyone youhaveconnected with deeply? Besides your favorite sister, I mean.” She grins teasingly. “Doesn’t have to be romantic.”

My mind instantly goes to RJ.I think we have something here, he wrote.Something that could be real.

“There’s a guy I’m friends with on this book forum. I’ve opened up to him about some fairly deep stuff.”

“But only online,” Georgia says, and I nod. “Not even a phone call or a video chat?”

I shake my head. “He wants to talk face-to-face. But I keep…chickening out.”

“Interesting.” She takes off her glasses and rests them against her chin. “So there’s a man in real life that you’re physically attracted to, but you’re holding back emotionally. And there’s another man online that you feel a deep connection with, but you won’t meet him in real life. Why?”

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