Page 126 of Battle of the Bookstores

As I close my eyes, I promise myself I won’t leave this bed without talking to her. I’ll be brave and honest and tell her how I feel—that all I want is to be with her—and then I’ll listen while she tells me what she wants. And we will figure it out together.

31

Josie

I wake toa soft buzzing sound and open my eyes, slowly remembering where I am: Ryan’s bed, warm and comfortable. He’s behind me, his breathing steady and deep, and my entire body feels at peace.

Then everything from yesterday comes rushing back: the awful meeting with Xander, Ryan storming out, everything he said about this new job. The confusion and hurt, all my old fears of being left behind resurfacing.

But then, the words he whispered later:No matter where I go, if I’m two hours or two thousand miles away, I’m yours.

He all but said he loves me, and I want to believe him. But does heunderstandme? If he did, he’d know that moving, even just a couple hours away, is the worst thing he could do.

I know it’s ridiculous, but the thing that keeps popping into my head is all those books he recommended to me on BookFriends—I read every single one, but he never asked me for any of my recommendations in turn. I’ve always believed that the best way to truly know someone is by reading their favorite books, and he hasn’t made any effort to do that.

I shake my head, trying to shrug it off. I’m being silly, right? But the thought nags at me as I try to drift back to sleep.

The buzzing starts again, and I realize it’s my phone on the nightstand. I reach over to grab it; my mom has sent me a text. At 6:14 a.m.

Hey sweetie pie! Sorry for the whole mess in Mexico. Call me when you can, we should catch up!

My stomach sinks at the brightness in her tone—it feels forced. Georgia’s been trying to get me to reach out, but our mother never reaches out unless she needs something. What does she want?

My finger slips and I accidentally hit the video call button.

“Shit,” I whisper—I don’t want to disturb Ryan, and I’m also not in the mood to deal with my mother.

But it’s too late, she’s already answering, and I slip out of bed and quietly shut the door behind me.

“Jojo! How are you!”

“Um, I’m okay.” I hurry through Ryan’s living room and let myself out to his tiny balcony, shutting the sliding glass door behind me.

When I glance back at my phone screen, my mom’s face comes into view: she looks worried. “What’s wrong?”

I open my mouth to tell her it’s nothing, but the words catch in my throat. I try to hold it in, but within seconds it all bubbles over, and soon I’m crying as I tell her everything about Ryan, that my plan to save our jobs didn’t work and now he’s moving and I don’t know if I can handle it.

When I finish, she sighs and says, “Oh, Jojo. I’m so sorry.”

I wipe my eyes, surprised at my outburst—I’ve never broken down in front of her—but also because she’s never seemed to care much about my emotional state. “Yeah. Same.”

“But it doesn’t make sense—it sounds like he cares about you! Why would he leave? I think you need to ask him what’sreallygoing on.”

Before I can explain that he thinks it’s best for both of us, she continues:

“You know how I wanted to find Darrell and ask him why he left me in Puerto Vallarta? Well, he showed up on my doorstep last week. He said he took off because he was scared, just like I thought. He apologized and begged me to give him another chance.”

My heart sinks. “So you’re back together.”

“Goodness, no!” Mom laughs, shaking her head. “I told him that I understand being scared, but I can’t be with someone who’d abandon me in the middle of a foreign country.”

I blink at the phone screen, shocked. “Wait—you’renotwith him anymore?”

“No, I’m not.” She pauses, presses her lips together. “Sweetheart, I know you saw a lot of unfortunate circumstances when you were growing up, with some of the men I dated.”

Maybe more like unfortunate choices—on her part. But I bite my tongue. This is the closest she’s ever come to taking any kind of accountability.

“And I—I regret it,” she continues. “I know I wasn’t there when you needed me.” Another pause. “Especially after Georgia’s accident. You deserved so much better. You still do. I let myself get caught up in trying to find happiness in someone else and lost sight of the two little girls who needed me most.”

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