Page 37 of Battle of the Bookstores

I am definitely the asshole here.

I’m about to apologize when Cinderella bursts in: “We’re celebrating!” she says, lovably oblivious to the tension between us. “Here, have some champagne.”

Josie shakes her head and pushes away Cinderella’s hand. Champagne slops out of the glass and onto Cinderella’s shirt, and my assistant manager backs away as if she’s been slapped.

My protective instincts flare: Cinderella’s been putting on a brave face, but I know proposals make her think of her own broken vows; of the husband who left her in the most generic way possible: falling in love with his much younger secretary.

I turn back toward Josie, who has her hands on her hips,looking like a very beautiful, very rude nuisance. Still, I decide to be the bigger person and apologize.

“Josie,” I say, “I really—”

“Do you even have a liquor license?” she asks, somehow forgetting that she recently hosted an event with wine. “I could call the cops on you. Drunken and disorderly behavior and disturbing the peace!”

Any sympathy I have for Josie Klein and her stupid meditation event evaporates faster than the champagne on Cinderella’s shirt.

“Hey, Alan,” I say, keeping my eyes focused on Josie’s. “Why don’t you play another song. And make it loud.”

BOOKFRIENDS

June 8, 8:43 PM

RJ.Reads:Just saying hi! Haven’t talked to you in a few days!

BookshopGirl:Hi back! And yes, sorry, I’ve had a lot going on.

RJ.Reads:Hopefully good things?

BookshopGirl:Ughhhhhhh.

RJ.Reads:That bad?

BookshopGirl:You have no idea. And to top it all off, my final customer today was the living embodiment of one of my biggest pet peeves as a booklover.

RJ.Reads:Go on…*grabs popcorn*

BookshopGirl:So this customer, she’s not one of my regulars, but she came in right before closing and started asking me for recs—which I LOVE giving, of course. She seemed genuinely interested, so I told her about all my recent favorite reads. I mean, maybe I was waxing poetic, but if you can’t do that in your own bookstore, where canyou? Anyway. She looked overwhelmed, then she said, “Wow! You sure read a lot. That’s great that you have so much free time. I couldn’t possibly read that much—I have responsibilities.”

RJ.Reads:No. She. Did. Not.

BookshopGirl:Right? First of all, it’s my literal job to know the product I sell, but also: I actually don’t have a lot of free time, Janet. (Her name wasn’t Janet but whatever.) I work open to close, seven days a week. And by the time I get home, I’m so tired I want to pull a Grandpa Joe for the next twenty years. But when you love something, you make time for it. You give up sleep, you say no to social engagements, you squeeze it in between your other tasks. If YOU don’t like reading that much, JANET, just admit it. But don’t you dare walk into MY bookstore and make ME feel like there’s something wrong with me because I prioritize my favorite activity on the planet!

RJ.Reads:*SLOW CLAP*

RJ.Reads:I wish you’d said that to her.

BookshopGirl:Me too. Unfortunately, I just stood there gaping until she scuttled away.

RJ.Reads:Now I’m wondering how many books you read in a year. If that’s not too personal to ask?

BookshopGirl:Usually between 250 and 300.

RJ.Reads:DAMN. Okay, you’ve got me beat. And you read big books. How do you do it? That’s a genuine question—I want to know your technique.

BookshopGirl:The main thing is to not have any social life or other hobbies. But the other trick is to always have a book with you. Example: I have a Purse Book, in case I’m waiting in line or at an appointment. Then I have my Register Book, sitting behind the counter at work. My Kitchen Book, the one I read while I’m cooking (usually an ARC so it’s okay if I get spatters on it). There’s my Nightstand Book (not too riveting/disturbing), and my Toilet Book (sorry, TMI), and my Bathtub Book (different from the Toilet Book because theBathtub Book is for relaxing reads). Plus there’s a precarious pile on the end table in my living room, staring at me reproachfully for not getting to them yet.

RJ.Reads:Whoa whoa whoa. You’re reading multiple books at the same time?

BookshopGirl:Well, yeah. It’s rare that one book can keep me fully satisfied.

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