Page 10 of Maybe in Another Life

“Oh, OK,” I say as I start to rise.

“Actually, I could take you home,” Ethan says. “Back to Gabby’s place later. If you want to stay for a while. Whatever you want.”

I catch a coy smile come across Gabby’s face for a split second.

I laugh to myself. It’s so obvious, isn’t it?

By coming back to L.A., I’m not just trying to build a better life with the support of my best friend. I’ve also reopened the question of whether Ethan and I have unfinished business between us.

We’ve spent years apart. We’ve gone on to live two very different lives. And we’re right back here. Flirting off to the side at the party, while everyone else is dancing.

Will we or won’t we?andIf I let him take me home, will it mean more to me than it means to him?

I look at Ethan, and then I look at Gabby.

Life is long and full of an infinite number of decisions. I have to think that the small ones don’t matter, that I’ll end up where I need to end up no matter what I do.

My fate will find me.

So I decide to...

So I decide to go home with Gabby.

I don’t want to rush into anything.

I turn and give Ethan a good-bye hug. I can hear, through the door, that the DJ just started playing Madonna’s “Express Yourself,” and for a moment, I sort of regret my decision. I love this song. Sarah and I used to sing it in the car together all the time. My mom never let us sing the part about satin sheets. But we just loved the song. We’d listen to it over and over.

I consider taking my good-bye back, as if the universe is telling me to stay and dance.

But I don’t.

“I should go home,” I say to Ethan. “It’s late, and I want to get on West Coast time, you know?”

“I totally understand,” he says. “I had a great time tonight.”

“Me, too! I’ll call you?”

Ethan nods as he moves to give Gabby a hug good-bye. He shakes Mark’s hand. He turns to me and whispers into my ear, “You’re sure I can’t convince you to stay out?”

I shake my head and smile at him. “Sorry,” I say.

He smiles and sighs ever so subtly, with a look that says he’s accepted defeat.

We walk back into the bar and say good-bye to everyone—Erica, Caitlin, Brynn, Katherine, and the rest of the people I’ve met tonight.

“I thought for sure you were going home with Ethan,” Gabby says as we are heading back to the car.

I shake my head at her. “You think you know me so well.”

She gives me a doubting look.

“OK, you know me perfectly. But I just feel like if things with Ethan and me are going to happen, they will happen on their own time, you know? No need to rush anything.”

“So you do want something to happen?”

“I don’t know!” I say. “Maybe? Eventually? It seems like I should be with an honest, stable, nice guy like him. He seems like a move in the right direction, men-wise.”

When we get to the car, Mark opens the doors for us and tells Gabby he’s just going to take Wilshire Boulevard home. “That seems easiest, right? Less traffic?”

---