Page 118 of Maybe in Another Life

“You do?”

“Yeah,” I say. “I feel like maybe this was how it was supposed to go all along.”

“Yeah?” he says. I can feel the joy in his voice as it vibrates through the door.

“Yeah,” I say. “Maybe I was meant to have this baby. And I was meant to be with you. And everything is happening the way it’s supposed to.” What I believe to be fated seems to fall perfectly in line with what I want to be true at any given moment. But I think that’s OK. I think that’s hope. “It’s messy,” I tell him. “You said earlier that it’s messy, and you’re right. It’s messy.”

“Messy is OK,” he says. “Right? We can do messy.”

“Yeah,” I say, tears now falling down my face. “We can do messy.”

“Open the door, sweetheart, please,” he says. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” I say. But I don’t open the door.

“Hannah?” Ethan says.

“I’m fat now,” I tell him.

“That’s OK.”

“No, really, I’m growing a double chin.”

“I have back acne,” he says. “Nobody’s perfect.”

I laugh through my tears. “Are you sure you can be with a fat lady?”

“What did I tell you?” he says. “I told you that you could gain four hundred pounds and I’d want to be with you.”

“And you meant it?”

“I meant it.”

I open the door to see Ethan standing on the stoop. He is wearing a light blue T-shirt and dark jeans. His eyes are glassy, and his mouth is smiling wide. He has a box of cinnamon rolls in his hand.

“You’re the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen,” he says, and then he steps into the house, and he kisses me. And for the first time in my life, I know I have done everything right.

THREE MONTHS LATER

Ican walk now. Without a walker. On my own. I use a cane sometimes, when I’m tired or sore. But it never holds me back. Sometimes I walk to the convenience store down the street to get a candy bar, not because I want the candy bar but because I appreciate the walk to get one.

Gabby’s still not ready to date, still skittish from the shock of it all, but she’s moving on. She’s happy. She got us a dog. A Saint Bernard just like Carl and Tina have. She named him Tucker.

The woman who hit me proved also to be responsible for another hit-and-run two years ago. She didn’t hit a person then, but she did hit a car and drive off. Between insurance payouts and the lawsuit, I’ll have enough money to be comfortable on my feet.

When I got to the point where I could get myself from place to place, I bought a car. It’s a cherry-red hatchback. You can see me coming from miles away, which I like. I think it’s a very “me” car.

Then, once I had a car, I started looking for a job.

I told Carl and Tina that I’ve been thinking about going to nursing school. After the money comes in, I’ll be able to afford it, and I keep thinking about the nurses who helped me during my hospital stay. In particular, I think of Nurse Hannah and how well she handled me at my most annoying. And I think of Deanna and that pediatric nurse who helped those parents on the oncology floor.

And of course, I think of Henry.

Nurses help people. And I’m starting to think there’s nothing more important I can do with my time than that.

When you almost lose your life, it makes you want to double down, to do something important and bigger than yourself. And I think this is my thing.

Carl offered me a job at his pediatric office until I figure out what I want to do. He says that his practice has a program to help staff members go to night school if they meet certain financial criteria. When I reminded him that I probably won’t meet those criteria, he laughed at me and said, “Good point! Just come take the job for the experience and living wage, then. Spend your money on school.”

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