Page 128 of Atmosphere

“I’m not.”

“What is your plan?”

“I don’t know.”

“I will not let you abandon her. What is your plan?”

“She’s at boarding school, Joan. For crying out loud, no one has abandoned her.”

“She’s crying. Alone up there. She thinks no one loves her.”

Barbara shook her head in her hands. “Of course I love her.” She began to howl in tears.

“If you love your daughter, then you need to show her. By taking care of her,” Joan said. “There is no other option.”

Barbara stood up and snapped, “It’s not that simple!”

“Yes, it is!”

“It’s not! I’ve been doing it on my own since I was twenty years old, and I’m sick of being treated like some sort of screwup because I’m trying to create a life out of this mess!”

“She’s not a mess! Stop talking about her like that!”

“She’s my daughter, I can say anything I like about her!”

“I’m not sure you ever deserved her, you know that? I’ve tried to avoid thinking that for years, but I don’t know what other conclusion to draw anymore. She deserves better than you give her.”

“Then take her!” Barbara said. “You think you’re so fucking smart, Joan.Oh, the mom you’d be!If only you had a love life or a maninterested in you enough to give you a child. Please. You take care of her. The two of you would probably love that.”

“Barbara, don’t say things like that. This is not a game.”

But it was a game, wasn’t it? And Barbara had been winning for a very, very long time.

“I mean it!” Barbara said. “She has never liked me as much as she likes you. The two of you, with your special bond. You can have each other, as far as I’m concerned. You can go be happy together, without me to look down on.”

“She doesn’t look down on you. She worships you.”

Barbara laughed and shook her head. “She hates me. She thinks I’m a selfish fool, just like you do, and she makes it perfectly clear. Oh, you’ll see, Joan. Once she’s really yours. It’s no picnic. She hates me. One day she’ll hate you, too. You’ll finally see it then. And it will be too late, because I won’t accept your apology. But in the meantime, go for it. She’s all yours.”

Joan stared at her. But Barbara’s face did not seem sad or angry so much as unflinching. Her eyes had gone dead.

This was Barbara’s whole plan. Joan was her get-out-of-jail-free card.

“You are seriously going to let this child be alone on Thanksgiving?”

“I am going to let her learn that it’s not always about her and that it’s time that my life starts, too. Yes, I am. But you seem to want to be her mother, so go right ahead.”

Part of Joan felt like she could not give Barbara the satisfaction. She was going to abandon her child and flit off to Europe, leaving Joan to handle all of the responsibilities. Joan shouldn’t participate in that.

But Frances deserved better than anything she could make Barbara begrudgingly give her. Frances needed someone to truly care and to show it. Someone to be there.

In that moment, all Joan could think of was the joy of havingFrances back. Of getting to spend each evening helping her with her homework. Of taking her to the movies each weekend. Of seizing those rare times when Frances would still let Joan kiss the top of her head.

Joan would do anything to get more of those moments. They were already slipping away so fast.

She would never let that go—never let Frances down—just to teach Barbara a lesson.

“Write a letter to the school giving me the power to make decisions for her and take her from the school,” Joan said. “Do it now.”

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