Page 133 of Atmosphere

Joan closed her eyes and inhaled.

That Monday, Joan headed toAntonio’s office to request a meeting. She wanted to discuss moving to Mission Control permanently, and no longer being assigned missions in space.

To her surprise, Antonio was walking past his assistant’s desk when she came by. He invited her right in.

“Tell me what’s on your mind,” Antonio said, leaning forward.

Joan did not say that she had just taken in her niece and was now, effectively, a single parent who couldn’t leave the planet for long stretches. She said the other thing, the one that was more relevant, and possibly even more true.

“I belong on the ground,” Joan said. “I have learned that I am supposed to have both feet on Earth and look up at the stars. Not the other way around.”

There was so much to learn about the universe from Earth. So much she wanted to do from this very ground, here at NASA.

Antonio considered her. “To be honest, I was hoping we could send you up a few more times. Despite your space-adaptation issues, we were very happy with your research.”

“I understand, sir,” she said.

“But I have heard from Jack that you’ve been a great help on previous missions,” Antonio said. “I think he’d be very open to integrating you into Mission Control.”

“I would be grateful,” Joan said. “If you would consider it.”

Antonio nodded. “I will,” he said. “I will.”

“Thank you,” she said. Joan stood up, and Antonio walked her to the door. But he only put his hand on the door handle. He did not open it.

“I wondered if you could help me,” Antonio said. “With something.”

“Of course,” Joan said.

“As you know, being assigned any mission requires a certain level of security clearances,” Antonio said.

“Sure,” Joan said.

“And security clearances cannot be granted to anyone who we believe is…” He appeared to be searching for the words. “Morally compromised,” he said, finally.

It hit Joan like a sucker punch.

“Yes, sir.”

“Not as a matter of judgment, mind you, but because it opens people up to the potential for blackmail. People with large debts, for instance, or gambling problems would be a good example of the type of person we would have to rescind a security clearance from, rendering them unable to fly. People who have family members with ties to organized crime would be another example. Also, the appearance of sexual deviation would make any of our astronauts vulnerable to such a blackmail.”

Joan and Vanessa had asked for too much, pushed too hard, believed too naïvely that they could have what they wanted.

Wasn’t that the story of so many of the gods up there among the stars? She’d been looking at them her whole life and had never really listened, never learned from their stories. They were always punished for their hubris.

“I want to be very clear about something: I have never felt it is my personal business to know what any of my astronauts do on their own time. My purview is only as it relates to what is of concern to the U.S. government and to the public interest.”

“Of course,” Joan said.

“I want to protect my team here. You did tell me once that you hold particularly special relationships with many of your fellow astronauts. I wonder if you would be willing to convey this to anyone within the corps who needs a reminder?”

“Yes, sir.”

“The loss of security clearances for any of our astronauts wouldbe a devasting blow to the department and would reflect poorly on NASA as a whole,” he said. “And I am…well, Goodwin, I am hoping it never comes to that.”

“I understand, sir,” Joan said.

“Thank you,” Antonio said as he opened the door. “I would be very eager to recommend you for Mission Control, including any classified missions that lie ahead. I know you will ensure that you hold up to any such scrutiny.”

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