Page 145 of Atmosphere

Joan’s chest begins to cave in. She snaps herself out of it.

“I think both of us—Griff and I—should have been listening to you,” Vanessa says. “You had the right idea the whole time.”

“Ford, my song was fromSesame Street,” Joan says.

Vanessa does not laugh. “Yeah, but…it’s kind of that simple, isn’t it? You get up here, and then for one reason or another, you realize you want to come home.”

Joan does not answer for a moment. Jack moves closer to her, standing just behind her. She cannot bear to look at him. To see how much of this he understands.

“Goodwin, do you read?” Vanessa says.

“Of course.” Joan nods. “Yes, of course. Roger that.”

“I want to come home.”

“We know you do,” Joan says. “We know.”

“It’s just that I can’t do it without Lydia. I couldn’t live with myself.”

Joan does not know what to say back.

How could I say I loved you if I didn’t love this about you?

“Tell her when we see her again,” Jack says, “I’m going to slap her on the back to congratulate her, and Antonio is going to fire her—all in one fell swoop.”

Joan looks at him. His eyes are bloodshot. The smile plastered on his face is so superficial she can already see the frown underneath it.

But she relays the message.

Vanessa tries to laugh. “Who all is there?” she asks. “At the flight center. You must have a lot of guests by now.”

Joan looks around the room. She’s unsure how to answer, unsure what a good answer would be.

Jack speaks up: “Tell her everyone. We are all here for her. Tell her Donna and her baby girl are in the theater. Tell her Helene ishere. Tell her the entire astronaut corps is with her in spirit right now. Tell her everyone here is rooting for her.”

Joan nods and gets back on the loop. “Well, Ford, just about anybody you’ve ever met is here.”

“Does my mom know?” Vanessa asks. Joan can hear the jovial tone Vanessa is trying to hold on to slip away.

Joan looks to Jack, who nods. “Affirmative,” Joan says. “Your mother knows.”

“She’s probably scared.”

Yes, she’s probably terrified. She’s not sure how she’s going to live through the next hour.

“I don’t think she is scared at all,” Joan says. “I think she knows what her daughter is capable of. I think she knows exactly who her daughter is.”

“Yeah,” Vanessa says. “Maybe.”

The future bleeds in again, and Joan can’t deny what may be coming. She won’t be able to live with herself if she doesn’t tell Vanessa this one thing.

“You are courageous, Vanessa Ford,” Joan says. “Beyond all measure. You have proven yourself to be of stunning character. And I believe your father would be proud.”

Vanessa does not respond for a moment. But then: “Joan, can I ask you a question?”

“Roger that,” Joan says.

“No,Joan,” Vanessa says. “I need to ask you something. Is it okay toask you something?”

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