Page 33 of Atmosphere

“Raising the next generation of astronauts,” Vanessa said.

“Frances has said she wants to be an astronaut,” Joan said. “I don’t know if she really will, but it’s a nice idea that…you know…” Joan seized up, very aware of the lump in her throat. It’d snuck up on her.

“Girls today might look at us or the women in Group 8,” Vanessa said. “And know they can do it, too.”

Joan looked at Vanessa as Vanessa watched the road. The wind ran through Vanessa’s hair. Joan had been trying to control hers, holding it back. But Vanessa just let it fly. Joan put her hands down, let hers go.

“I mean, pretty soon, they are going to put a woman in space,” Vanessa said.

“Have you heard anything about who they might choose?”

“No,” Vanessa said. “You know how they are about that stuff. It’s like we’re not even supposed to admit we’re curious.”

The first American woman in space would be one of the women from Group 8, the first round that Joan had applied to, when she hadn’t been called back. She was grateful for it, in hindsight. Being the very first would have been so much to hold on her shoulders.

As they got onto the highway, the wind was too loud for either of them to say anything and so Joan closed her eyes and felt the air run over her.

“Thisisfar,” Vanessa said once they took the exit and the wind quieted down.

“I know,” Joan said. “But trust me. It’s worth it.”

Vanessa kept her eyes on the road. “Donna and Hank are fucking, right?”

Joan’s shoulders came up to her ears. “I think they are sleeping together, yes. But I don’t care for that word.”

Vanessa laughed. “You’re a little bit of a prude.”

“No, I’m not,” Joan said, in a tone that she knew undercut her point.

“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Vanessa asked.

Joan tried to think of something, but her mind was blank. “I mean, when I was six years old, I stole a pack of cards from the five-and-dime.” She could already tell it was a dud. “Forget that one—I ended up returning them anyway.”

Vanessa smiled. “Okay, you can try again.”

“I let kids in high school cheat off my tests for about two months before I lost my patience and told them all to study on their own.”

“And which is the bad part? Cheating or eventually telling them no?”

Joan laughed. “Cheating! Obviously.”

Vanessa shook her head. “Sorry, try again. I’m asking you to look deep down in the ugly parts of your soul, Jo. Come on, now. What’s the thing you’re the most ashamed of having done?”

“I assume you’re going to answer, too?”

“Of course. I’ll go first if you want. I’ve got loads to choose from.”

“No, no, I’ll think of something.”

Joan was not sure why she was sowilling.“Oh,” she said finally.

“You got it?”

“I…yes. I have the thing I regret the most,” Joan said. “I’m not sure how terrible you’ll find it. But I do.”

“I’m ready.”

“When my sister was seventeen, I was home from college, and I heard her sneak out her window to go see some boy. I woke up my parents and told them. They pulled her back in the house and she was grounded for months.”

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