Page 77 of Atmosphere

Vanessa raised her eyebrows. “Lead the way.”

When they got to Joan’s car, Vanessa took Joan’s right hand in hers before Joan could even put the key in the ignition. She brought Joan’s hand up to her lips and she kissed the underside of Joan’s wrist.

No one had ever touched Joan so delicately there, and Joan knew that, while she could not predict what would happen to them, for the rest of her life she would think of that area of her body as belonging only to Vanessa.

—

Halfway through dinner, Joan wastalking about how badly she wanted to help NASA develop a solar probe when she noticed that Vanessa was staring at her.

“Did I do something wrong?” Joan asked.

“No, of course not.”

“Then what is it?”

“I love hearing you talk,” Vanessa said, smiling at her.

Could you burn up from a gaze this bright upon you? “Oh.”

“You’re the first woman I’ve ever met who I feel like understands things about me before I even say them.”

“Really?” Joan said. “How do you mean?”

Vanessa considered the question. Then she looked Joan in the eye. “How did you feel when you saw the moon landing on TV?”

Joan laughed. “Really?”

“Really. How did you feel? Because I felt something so intense, and I’ve never been able to explain it.”

“I…” Joan tried to find the words to convey something that lived so deep in her chest. “I felt…left out,” she said finally. “In this way that burned me up. Like I had been fine until humans touched the moon. But once somebody had, I had to, too.”

“And now?” Vanessa asked.

“Now I will settle for the stars.”

Vanessa laughed. “I knew you knew. I knew you knew it even better than me. For so long, almost no one understood how I’ve felt. Why I wanted to do this. I mean, they were impressed, don’t get me wrong. But trying to explain that fire I feel to leave the planet, the one you’re talking about? It is like trying to describe the color blue to someone who has never seen it. And then you come along and it’s like you are describing the color blue to me and I feel such…relief. I’d have followed you anywhere just for that.”

What was happening?

Joan’s chest grew hot, and she did not know what to say back. And so she did not say, “I love hearing everything you have to say” or “I think I’ve been pulled toward you since the moment I saw you.” She said, “I want to show you the way my mother serves bread.”

“Oh,” Vanessa said. “Okay.”

Joan took a slice of bread from the basket and covered every millimeter of it in a very thin layer of butter. She sprinkled it with salt first and then pepper. Evenly, lightly. And then she handed it to Vanessa.

Vanessa took it and bit into it. And her eyes went just the littlest bit wild.

“See?” Joan said.

“How is it so much better with just a little bit of salt and pepper on it?”

“I don’t know but I…I want to show you every good thing I’ve ever found,” Joan said.

The way Vanessa’s eyes crinkled at the sides…Joan knew that she would not need to find a way to tell Vanessa how she felt. Vanessa would understand it. Which meant Joan would not need to learn how to be anything other than who she already was.

Later, after Joan paid the bill and the waiter had left the table, Vanessa looked Joan square in the eye. “I love your dress,” she said. And then, in a low whisper: “And I want to take it off you.”

A heaviness took hold in Joan’s hips.

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