Page 110 of The Lost Book of First Loves

Do you still have feelings for me?

He sighed. “You were my best friend. I didn’t want to do anything to ruin that. I knew you didn’t feel the same way about me. If I had told you I had romantic feelings, you would have felt sorry for me and that was the last thing I wanted. What would have been the point in telling you? It only would have driven a wedge between us. I didn’t want that.”

How would she have reacted if he had confessed his feelings? She wanted to think it wouldn’t have changed anything between them, but she knew he was right. She wouldn’t have been mature enough to handle it with sensitivity.

They were years older and shestilldidn’t know how to handle it with sensitivity.

“Anyway,” he went on in a casual tone that didn’t fool her, “you were all about Clint Maclean back then. I couldn’t compare with a guy like that. He was the Homecoming King and I was the class nerd who played trumpet in the band and headed up the school robotics club.”

Had she really been that shallow? She didn’t want to think so. But she had to admit she had been more than a little obsessed with Clint, much to her embarrassment now.

“Forget I said anything,” he said. “We’re here to have fun fishing together, not to dwell on things that happened a decade ago. We’re both different people than we were then, but somehow we’ve still stayed friends. I think that’s pretty remarkable and I would hate to ruin our time together by focusing on yesterday. Are you ready to go fishing? We still have to find our dinner.”

She didn’t really feel like fishing, but at least that would provide a distraction from the acute awkwardness of this conversation.

“Sure. Let’s go fishing. Ten bucks says I catch the bigger trout.”

“You’re on.”

Chapter 36

Alison

It took them several trips to carry all their gear down to the lakeshore. Finally, they had fishing rods, tackle boxes, his camera and the two camp chairs set up.

It was cooler after the rain so they both donned their hoodies again. Over the next few hours, their conversation slipped back into its normal, casual rhythm.

They each caught two decent-size trout, more than enough for their dinner. When they returned to their camp, he brought out his two-burner camp stove and frying pan and cooked them up on one burner with butter and seasonings while preparing a packaged rice pilaf on the other.

“Oh, man. That is so good,” she said, closing her eyes with appreciation as she took another bite of the flaky, delicious trout. “That’s even better than you used to cook it.”

He grinned. “I’ve had some practice over the years. Giselle and I took the ferry system up to Alaska a few years ago where we camped on the deck. We spent a month backpacking and hiking. It was amazing.”

“I know. I’ve watched the videos. They were beautiful.”

“Have you?” He looked surprised.

“Of course. I’ve probably watched every single one of those three hundred hours of content you have on your channel. Some of them more than once.”

He looked pleased, if a little abashed. “There’s a lot of boring footage in there.”

“Not at all. It was so fun to watch you discover all these cool places around the world. I was jealous, if you want the truth.”

“Jealous of what?”

She couldn’t possibly tell him how much it had bothered her to see him having a great time with other women. She had felt oddly territorial.

“You were meeting so many great people, having all these fun relationships and seeing all these fantastic corners of the world while I was stuck in a law school library researching torts.”

“You can always travel now. What’s stopping you?”

“I’ve been in school since I was eighteen. Now I have to take the bar exam and open my law practice.”

“Why? I mean, I get that you have to take the bar exam. I’m all for that. But why do you have to jump right into your career? Law isn’t going anywhere.”

She stared. “I suppose it’s not.”

“Some people have to start working right away to pay back their student loans,” he went on. “You’re fortunate enough that you don’t. You have a trust fund that could certainly support you for a year or two while you travel around the world.”

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