Page 117 of The Lost Book of First Loves

Alison

As she expected, Alison woke up the next morning groggy, her eyes gritty and tired. Her tent had been comfortable enough, with the inflatable pad and the warm sleeping bag, but what little rest she managed to find had been tormented by dreams of Xander, familiar warm eyes serious and focused completely on her as he kissed her senseless.

How could she have been so foolish to kiss him like that? They had tried hard to return to their usual safe footing afterward but still, she knew everything between them had changed.

She couldn’t lose him. Thinking about a world without Xander in it made her feel breathless and out of control, like she was having a panic attack.

After taking the horses for water again, she headed down to the lake with her fishing rod and quickly caught enough trout to fry up for breakfast. She had brought along bread, which she toasted over the camp stove and topped with the small containers of jam she had also packed.

After she ate, listening only to the sigh of the wind and the birds’ morning chatter, she cleaned up then started taking down her tent and packing up her gear.

Xander still hadn’t returned by the time she had finished stowing all she could, so she grabbed her book and returned to one of the hammocks, grateful it was now in partial sunlight that helped to stave away the morning chill.

The book couldn’t hold her attention, even though the plot was gripping, the prose was lovely and she was reaching a critical turning point in the story.

Finally, she closed both the book and her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing.

Two nights of little sleep gradually took a toll, and she must have drifted off. She awoke to find Xander back at camp, packing up his own gear.

She wiped at eyes that felt gritty and tired. “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t hear you come back.”

“You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to wake you. Actually, I wanted to stretch out on the other hammock and take a snooze myself.”

“You should have.”

He pointed at the sky, which looked decidedly more murky than it had when she closed her eyes. “I think we’re in for another thundershower today. I don’t want to be caught in it. If we hurry, we can make it down to the trailhead before it hits.”

She didn’t want to go back to The Painted Sky, where she would have to face all the uncertainties in her life. Too bad they had responsibilities and obligations back in Bridger Peak. With a sigh, she slid from the hammock and worked together with him quickly to break down their camp.

They were both careful to leave no trace they had been there, even scattering the rocks they had used for a fire ring and shoveling up the horses’ manure and burying it.

They worked well together and soon they were ready to go. The ride out of the wilderness didn’t take nearly as long as their trip in, though Xander still stopped occasionally to video their route.

Once they reached the boundary of the wilderness area, he flew his drone again.

They didn’t talk as much as they had the day before and Ali fought down panic, again afraid she had lost something precious and vital to her.

Only three hours after he had returned to their campsite from his morning hike, she dropped him and his gear at his sister’s house.

“Thanks for a great trip,” he said. “I think I got some fantastic footage. Once I finish the edits, I’ll shoot it over to you so you can make sure you like it before it will go live on the channel.”

“I’m sure I will. I love everything you do.”

Including the way you kissed me.

She didn’t say the words, but she couldn’t help thinking them, nor could she tamp down the ache of longing, the impossible wish that he would do it again.

“We should try to do something else while we’re both in town,” she said, hoping he didn’t hear the slightly desperate note in her voice. “A couple of my friends have talked about having a barbecue one night. We could do it here at the ranch. How much longer will you be in town?”

“I’m not sure. Sylvia seems to be healing better than anybody expected. She doesn’t really need me. I’ll probably stay another week or two, then I’m thinking about heading up to California’s Lost Coast.”

So soon? His words left her depressed, on multiple levels.

Xander had his whole life figured out and was doing amazing things with it while she still couldn’t decide whether she even wanted to take the bar exam that she had spent the past three years anticipating.

Beyond that, she couldn’t help wondering if he was leaving earlier than he had planned because of her, somehow, though she supposed that was probably narcissistic of her.

“I’ll try to make some definitive barbecue plans and let you know,” she said, trying for a breezy tone. “I hope you don’t leave before I get the chance to pin down a few details.”

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