Page 133 of The Lost Book of First Loves

“People grow up and change. I’m sorry, Clint. I like you. But I’m in love with Xander.”

Saying the words out loud seemed to set something free inside her, as if she had busted a logjam of emotion. “I should have canceled our date. I’m sorry. But you’re still Clint Maclean. If you walked into any bar in town, you could have any woman you wanted. Maybe those Danish tourists are still in town. I’m sure you could grab Smitty and Tank and the three of you could find them.”

He seemed to brighten at the possibility, even as he tried to make sense of her unexpected rejection. “We could have been good together.”

She suddenly knew with certainty they would have been lousy together. It was a good thing she had wised up before she did something really foolish, like go to his house for steak and probably sex.

She gave him an apologetic look, even as half of her mind tried to figure out what her next steps should be with Xander. “I’m really sorry I didn’t cancel earlier. I should have. I’m sorry you made the trip over here for nothing and sorry I didn’t come to my senses before. At least I didn’t waste any more of your time or energy. Good night, Clint.”

She closed the door before he could argue. Through the side panel window next to the door, she saw him pause on the porch then stomp down the steps.

He gunned his engine on the way back down the driveway. She rolled her eyes and headed back to the TV room, where Loretta was turning on her favorite reality show, one of the cats stretched out on her lap.

Her grandmother hit Pause on the remote. “What’s going on? Wasn’t that Maclean’s truck I heard pull up? Tell him he needs a new exhaust system.”

She sat down on the sofa, feeling slightly dazed. “I don’t think he’ll want to listen to anything I have to tell him from now on. I canceled our date.”

Loretta turned off the TV and frowned. “I hope it wasn’t because of my warnings the other day, after your date. I’ve regretted saying anything ever since.”

“It wasn’t because of that, though I am grateful you were concerned enough about me to urge caution.”

She gazed at the picture on the wall of her parents. Even if he had loved someone else first, her father had loved her mother. She had no doubt whatsoever. She wanted that kind of love, too. Genuine, tender, forged on friendship and mutual respect.

“I didn’t cancel because of anything you said. I just realized I want something different.”

Loretta pressed her lips together, but Alison didn’t miss the knowing look in her eyes. Good grief. Couldn’t she hide anything fromanyone?

“Alexander,” her grandmother said with a satisfied smile. “It’s about time.”

Yes. Yes, it was.

“Have you told him?”

“No. Not yet. It’s not that easy.”

“Sure it is. What are you waiting for?”

She gave a ragged-sounding laugh. If only she had a tiny portion of the courage her grandmother seemed to think she had in abundance.

What if he rejected her?

The possibility haunted her. He might. Her own feelings toward her high school crush had certainly changed since high school. If he truly had feelings for her back then, maybe his feelings had changed, too.

She would never know unless she tried.

Before she could talk herself out of it, she pulled out her phone and texted him.

Have you had dinner? If not, I’m grabbing a pizza. I could be there in a half hour.

Three blue dots flashed for a painfully long time before he replied.

I thought you had a date with Clint.

My plans changed, she replied.

And so had her priorities. She didn’t want only a pretty face and a nice butt, though Xander definitely had those things. She wanted something real with someone she had loved since they were kids.

Sure, he texted back.Pizza sounds good.

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