Page 74 of The Lost Book of First Loves

Somehow, she instinctively knew Beckett Hunter was the kind of man a woman could count on when she needed him.

He pulled out the sandwiches she had made them, chicken salad with dried cranberries and celery on whole grain bread. “When I first moved to Bridger Peak,” he said after taking hisfirst bite, “I used to hike up here almost every day. This was one of the few places where I could find peace.”

His admission touched something deep inside her and she sensed it wasn’t something he shared with everyone.

“Tell me about your wife. How did you meet?”

“You don’t want to hear about that.”

“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know. But you don’t have to talk about her if you find it too painful.”

He gazed out at the lake, rippling in the breeze. “We met through mutual friends and immediately connected. Soledad was so passionate about her work. That’s what I admired first. She taught in an elementary school where many of the students live below the poverty line. She used to come home brimming over with ideas about how she could meet their needs. She convinced her administration to put a washing machine and dryer in her classroom so she could help students who might not be able to wash their clothes at home. She always kept clean clothes in her room so they could change while they laundered theirs before school.”

“She must have been lovely.”

“Inside and out. One of those people who was most happy when she was helping someone else. It wasn’t uncommon for her to be up until two or three in the morning working on some project or other for her students.”

“She was expecting when she was killed, wasn’t she? That’s what the news report I read online said.”

He nodded, his features suddenly looking as granite as the mountain face.

“Yes. Four months along. She loved children and couldn’t wait until we started our own family. She had two miscarriages before that pregnancy and we were both so thrilled she had made it to four months.”

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

He shook his head. “I’m glad you did. No one here knewSoledad so I rarely have the chance to talk about her. She deserves to be remembered.”

She had never considered herself a particularly demonstrative person, but she was compelled to reach out and touch his arm in sympathy. He gazed down at her hand against his skin and she quickly pulled it away and folded her fingers around her water bottle again.

“What about you?” Beckett asked. “You’ve never married? Have you come close? I thought Ali said something about you dating the CEO of your company.”

“Adam? No. We dated a little in college, but quickly realized we worked better together as friends and coworkers. For all his talk about balance, Adam doesn’t tend to carve out a lot of room in his life for personal relationships. Neither of us are very good at that. We’re both classic workaholics, which isn’t a great combination.”

“Do you expect that might change for you now? Will you be able to go back to that high-powered life in Seattle?”

“Everything is changing,” she said, her voice low. She could hear the slight catch in her voice and wondered if he caught it, too.

She swallowed. “Two weeks ago, I knew exactly who I was. Now I feel like a stranger in my own skin.”

“You’ll figure it out. Give yourself time.”

“I don’t expect romance will play much of a part in my future.”

She hadn’t meant to say that, but the words had somehow spilled out like the spring runoff that filled the lake.

“Why not?”

She heard the shock in his voice, but couldn’t meet his gaze. “I am thirty-four years old and I just found out I have a congenital heart condition. I have a device in my chest that is keeping me alive. Who would ever want to sign up for that?”

She spoke the words in a remote, matter-of-fact tone, but even as she said them, she felt a hard jolt. Some deeply suppressed partof her longed for someone to love. How had she never realized that until now, when that possibility had been completely taken away from her?

She felt absurdly close to tears, sitting here on this fallen log overlooking a mountain lake. She set her sandwich aside, not able to eat more than a few bites.

This time, Beck was the one who reached between them. He took her hand in his, wrapping his strong fingers around hers, and she had no choice but to meet his gaze. The warmth and compassion in his expression nearly sent those tears spilling over.

She managed a shaky smile. “I’m sorry. That sounded terribly self-pitying, didn’t it?”

“It sounded real. The sad truth is I’m sure there might be certain guys who will never swipe right because you have a heart condition. They’re assholes who probably wouldn’t interest you, anyway.”

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