“...to support you in the pursuit of your dreams in the best way I can. I choose you, Meddy, to be my person, just as you have chosen me to be yours, and I will spend the rest of my life loving and cherishing you.”

Smiling, I lean into him, starting when the priest clears his throat again. “Now it’s your turn to say your vows, Meddelin.” The audience laughs and I blush. Nathan passes me the mic.

My voice comes out small and the priest signals me to speak up. “Uh. I, Meddelin Meiyue Chan, take you, Nathan Mingfeng Chan, to be my lawfully wedded husband. Nathan—” Emotion overcomes me and my words can’t get past the thick lump in my throat. How do I convey in words everything we’ve been through? I stand there for an excruciating moment, at the edge of breaking down in sobs. Nathan gives me a small nod, and somehow, I manage to speak. “Nathan, I have known youfor so many years. I knew you as a teen, and I know that your kindness goes back a long way. You have grown from a sweet, caring boy into a generous, loving man, and I am so lucky to have been given a second chance to be with you. I promise to be the best wife to you...”

Again, that stab of guilt. My gaze flicks to the audience, where I see with a start that Lilian is sitting in the front row, flanked on both sides by my family. Ma and the aunts are dabbing at their eyes with their matching violet handkerchiefs. The guilt comes in full force. How can I stand here and promise to be a good wife when I’m keeping such a huge lie from him?

As though she can read my mind, Fourth Aunt raises her eyebrows ever so slightly at me and gives a single nod.Carry on. You can do this.

I take a deep breath and force myself to keep going. “I promise to be there for you through the best and the worst of times. I choose you, Nathan, to be my husband today and every day from now, until the very end.”

My voice wobbles at the last word, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve managed it. Nathan wipes his eyes as I hand the mic back to the priest. We exchange rings, and I marvel at how the gold band looks around my finger. How final and how beautiful that feels, to have found my forever partner.

“With this, I declare you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

At last, we step into each other’s arms and I melt against his comforting warmth as our lips meet. No matter what happens after this, I at least have this moment to come back to as one of the highlights of my life. And somehow, I will find a way to be truthful with Nathan.

17

One of the few things we did keep from Chinese-Indonesian tradition is the bit where we give thanks to our parents. Nathan and I descend from the altar, and we go to his parents and kneel in front of them before hugging them. It’s apparent from Annie and Chris’s faces that they’re uncomfortable with this, but they go along with it and give us stiff hugs. When we get to my side of the family, Ma sobs openly as we kneel in front of her. Big Aunt and Second Aunt put their arms around Ma, and I lay my head on her knees for a few heart-wrenching moments. I close my eyes, wishing I could be a little girl once more, seeking comfort from my mother’s lap. The tears flow freely as I hug her with a fierce strength. Nathan has to blink away his tears too as he hugs Ma, and I can’t help noticing that Annie looks anything but happy at the sight.

Everything else after that is a blur. We walk down the aisle hand in hand while everyone claps, and when we get outside,we hardly have time to adjust to the harsh sunlight before the confetti is thrown and our friends and families crowd around us. Hands are shaken and hugs are given. I’m dazed by all of the attention, the never-ending flow of people coming up to us and telling us what a beautiful ceremony it was and what a gorgeous bride I make.

“Congratulations!” Seb says, crushing me with a hug. “Oh, Meddy, I can’t believe you’re married!”

“I know!” I squeeze Seb tight. Then I hug Selena as Seb moves to hug Nathan.

“Do you need help with anything?” Selena says. “Gotta make sure I’m doing my job as maid of honor.”

“Uh, excuse you?” Seb says. “I’m man of honor. You’re just a bridesmaid.”

“You’re both MOHs,” I laugh. “And no, I don’t need anything, thank you. You’re both wonderful.”

“We know,” Seb says.

“Okay, just holler if you need anything,” Selena says, and they go off to mingle with the other guests.

“You okay?” Nathan says, leaning over and looking down at me with an expression that makes my cheeks burn. God, I swear he’s almost literally smoldering hot. “Wife?” He grins. “You okay, wife? Wow, that sounds weird. In a good way. An amazing way.”

I laugh. “I’m okay, husband. Wow, that does sound weird.”

The click of a shutter snaps me back to reality, and all of the fluffy, wonderful, cotton-candy feel of the moment melts away, replaced by an ugly panic. That’s right. Staphanie and her family are still here. I let myself get carried away by the ceremony. I’m lucky they didn’t try to pull anything then, but now I need to be on guard once again.

Staphanie is a few feet away, aiming her camera right at me.It feels so violating, somehow, having her lens trained on me, as though she can look into my head with it and read my thoughts. Huh, I wonder if this is how people usually feel about me when I’m working.

“How about a picture of the newlyweds?” she says.

“Sure.” Nathan puts his arm around my waist and I stiffen. “You okay?” he says again.

“Yeah, I just—” Just what? Just don’t want to have my photos taken by a fake photographer who’s planning a murder? Only minutes after our wedding vows and here I am about to lie to him. Again. “I—um, can we talk?” I say in a low voice, faking a smile as Staphanie raises her camera.

“Say cheese!”

You asshole, I want to scream, no self-respecting photographer says “Cheese” anymore!Is it bad that I find myself raging at Staphanie most when she does the photography badly and not when she, you know, tries to pull off an assassination attempt?

“Now?” Confusion crosses his face. “Sure, is something wrong?”

“Time for a close-up!” Staphanie says, stepping so close to us there’s no way she won’t hear whatever I say to Nathan.