Page 64 of Four Aunties and a Wedding

“What if they don’t? What if they don’t wake up? They’ll drown!”

Fourth Aunt sighs. “The River Thames isn’t that deep. They like, do that thing where they push sticks inside, you know, like a gondola? You can’t do that if the river’s too deep.”

“It’s deep enough for an unconscious person to drown in.”

Fourth Aunt is about to argue some more when there’s another knock at the door.

“What?” I bark.

“I’m so sorry, miss, but it’s Dan from the front desk?”

Fucking Dan. I point an accusatory finger at my family and hiss, “Don’t. Move. And for god’s sake do not cut him up while I’m gone.” I march out of the bedroom, shut the door firmly behind me, and take another deep breath. I exhale slowly, then cross the living room and open the front door. “Yes, Dan?” I say through a gritted smile.

“We have put together a hamper for you on your special day!” Dan says, brandishing a huge basket filled with goodies.

Okay, I was not expecting that. “Wow. Okay, thank you. That’s really nice of you.” I reach out for the basket, but he steps back a bit.

“It’s really heavy. Mind if I come in and put it down on the desk for you?”

“Yes.”

His eyebrows raise. “Yes, you mind?”

“Yes, I mind. Sorry, but my mother’s, uh—getting changed into her evening gown, so she’s like... naked?” I reach out again, but he moves the basket back once more.

“Um, and I’m so sorry for being a bother, but if you could—the noise...” He gives me a smile that’s more of a grimace.

“Turn it down, right, yes.” Clearly the walls here are paper thin. Fourth Aunt is right. We can’t risk leaving Third Uncle here. Even if we keep him bound and gagged, if he wakes up, he’d start shouting. Even if the shouts were muffled, whoever’s in the room next to ours apparently has superhuman hearing. Dammit. We do have to move him after all.

I’m about to shoo Dan away when an idea hits me. “Dan, is it possible to borrow a wheelchair? Does the hotel provide them?”

“Yes, of course. We pride ourselves on being one of the most accessible establishments in the country. We’ve had ramps built everywhere, even outside our back entrance.”

“Perfect. That’s amazing. Good for you.”

He preens at the compliment.

“So um, the wheelchair?” I prod.

“Oh yes, right away, miss. Or should I say Mrs.?”

I laugh weakly at the reminder that, huh, it’s my wedding day and I’ve spent most of the day away from Nathan. He leaves the basket with me and hurries off to “procure a wheelchair at once.” As soon as I shut the door, the breath leaves me in a huge whoosh. A lump rises in my throat at the thought of the shambles that my wedding day has become, but I quickly shove the thought away. I can’t afford to fall apart right now. I’ll make it up to Nathan on our honeymoon. Hell, I’ll make it up to him tomorrow, or even tonight, once all of this is over.

Taking another deep breath, I go back into the bedroom to tell my family the plan, but it’s like trying to explain calculus to a bunch of cats. They blink owlishly at me as I tell them that I’ve asked for a wheelchair to get Third Uncle out of here.

“Does that sound good?” I say. “Any questions?”

Silence. Did they even understand a word I just said? How long do the effects of weed last, anyway?

“Good idea, Meddy,” Second Aunt says.

Finally. “Thanks, Second Aunt.”

“Now we just need break the legs.”

“Come again?”

She moves toward Third Uncle with her arms out like a zombie. All of my senses scream at me and I jump up, sliding in between her and Third Uncle.

---