Page 39 of Well, That Was Unexpected

“Well, you see, the thing is, George, our publicity team hasdone such a great job all these years of painting this amazing picture of you. Turning you into one of the region’s most sought-after boys. You know how hard that was to achieve? There’s a lot more that goes into it than just being good-looking, George,” Eighth Aunt says. “The public expects a certain image from you. Strong, assertive, manly.”

“An image of toxic masculinity,” I say.

“No, no. We’re modern. We don’t want you to be aggressive or to treat women badly, of course.”

“Right, of course.”

“But you also can’t show weaknesses. You see what I’m talking about?” Eighth Aunt says, leaning closer to me. Then she grimaces and leans back. “Ugh, your morning breath is awful.”

I cover my mouth, feeling even more self-conscious than before. “Sorry. Um, right. I have to be strong but pliant, assertive but accommodating, manly but vulnerable. Gotcha.”

“Exactly!” Eighth Aunt cries, choosing to completely ignore the sarcasm in my voice. “See? I knew our little George Clooney would get it.”

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve got the perfect speech all lined up for the event. You don’t have to worry—”

“No, George,” Eighth Aunt says. “We’re not talking about the event, although of course that’s also very important. But see, the thing is, publicity about you and Sharlot has sort of, ah…blown up.”

“You’re trending,” Eleanor says.

Eighth Aunt nods, digging her phone from her handbag. She opens up ShareIt before handing me the phone.

I have to lean back a little to be able to focus on the screen, and when I do, my heart skips a beat. Eleanor’s right. #GeorgeIsTaken is indeed trending in Indonesia. I don’t even know how I feel about that. A bit nauseated. I chew my lip, reminding myself that this will pass within a few hours. Trends on ShareIt never last long.

“We’re going to have to make sure this lasts as long as possible,” Eighth Aunt says.

“What? Why?” Stupid question. The moment the words flop out of my mouth I know the answer: because of OneLiner. Because of our company. Because, of course, everything we do is about boosting the company’s image and therefore the company’s profits.

“It’s increasing awareness about OneLiner,” Papa says. “George, I have taught you about brand awareness for years, come on, son, keep up.”

“Right, of course. Sorry, I just haven’t had my coffee. But look, Eighth Aunt, if it’s publicity you want, I have so many more ideas for OneLiner that I know would increase its visibility, and—”

Eighth Aunt puts a hand up. “No, George. You have some good ideas, yes, but publicity like this can’t be bought. It happens organically. It’s a marketing dream come true!”

“So, um, what does this mean, exactly?”

“It means that we’ve given a carefully vetted journalist permission to shadow you and Sharlot for the whole of today,” Eighth Aunt says. “She and her crew will be filming you on your day adventuring around the island.”

“Make the footage good, Ming Fa,” Nainai says. “Don’t make us lose face.”

“Wait, I don’t—” My head is spinning. “You can’t have reporters following me and Sharlot around. That’ll ruin everything. It’ll be so awkward!”

“Nonsense,” Nainai tuts. “I was only sixteen when I married your yeye, and I knew how to put on a good front for the reporters. You kids nowadays grow up with cameras all around you. You take photos and videos of yourselves and post them everywhere for everyone to see! What’s one more camera?”

“It’s different, Nainai. Plus, this is such an intrusion on Sharlot. We can’t make decisions that affect her without asking her first.”

“We did,” Eighth Aunt says, “she’s agreed to it. On the condition that her cousin Kiki comes along for moral support.”

“But no worries, gege,” Eleanor says, “because I’ll come alongtoo!”

“Oh god.” I rub my temples again. “So I’m going to have a romantic day with Sharlot…along with reporters, Kiki, and my little sister.”

“Yes,” Eighth Aunt says with a smile.

“And none of you sees anything wrong with that?” I say.

They look blankly at me. “When I was courting your mother,” Papa says after a beat, “we always went in a group with our friends or relatives. It’s how it’s done in our culture. How else would we show that you’re not doing anything bu san bu si?”

Bu san bu siliterally translates to “neither three nor four.”It’s Mandarin for “up to no good.” Indonesia’s a pretty conservative country when measured up against Western standards, but the Chinese-Indonesian community is even more conservative. It’s not even about religion; it’s a really weird thing where I feel like a large part of the Chinese-Indonesian culture is based around olden-day Chinese customs that most people in China have moved on from, but we never got the memo because we left China. Dating is very much one of these things. We don’t do arranged marriages anymore, but we’ve got something worse: chaperones.

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