Page 78 of Well, That Was Unexpected

My sister found my porn on my laptop when she was trying to print out her algebra homework—

“Yeah, you know what I’m talking about,” George says. “Anyway, so of course my dad freakedoutand was like, George, you are a loser and I need to find you a real human girlfriend so you’ll stop jerking off to gnomes.”

I’m literally shrieking with laughter by now.

“So he confiscated my phone, and then my little sister, who was also very horrified by my gnome fetish, went and helped my dad find me a girlfriend. And that was how they found Sharlot.” His face softens and the laughter subsides. “They found her profile on ShareIt and…” He sighs. “Look at her, it’s impossible not to fall for her.”

Never mind my cheeks, my entire body is blushing. I steal a glance at the comments, expecting more hate, but there are actually people agreeing with him. And now I see what he’s done. He’s made them see me through his eyes.

“I never would’ve had the guts to talk to Sharlot myself. In a way, I’m grateful that my little sister and my dad did what they did. I know it was wrong, and I know I fucked up in the worst possible way. I’m so sorry, Sharlot.”

“I understand.” And I do. I really do. I no longer feel such conflicting emotions about him. I smile at George and he smiles back and we’re almost okay. Almost.

There’s a moment of quiet, and I realize this is it. My cue. My turn to share my side of the story. “Well, George,” I say, my voicesounding extra loud in the silent room, “funny you should say that you got caught masturbating, because I got caught almost having sex.”

George goes bug-eyed. Kiki, who was already gaping from George’s reveal, looks like she’s about to have an aneurysm. This isnotwhat we practiced earlier on. But I’ve had enough of practicing. It’s time for the truth. No more bullshit. No more neat publicity packaging.

“Yeah, back in California, I had a boyfriend. He’s really sweet and we liked each other very much and we decided we were ready to have sex. As it turned out, I wasn’t actually ready, and he respected that and stopped when I asked him to stop, which—you know—I think that’s so decent of him. He’s a great person and a wonderful human and I’m glad that he was my almost-first.”

George nods like he gets it, and I think he does. He really does.

“And I think it’s important to be honest about these things. I hate that there’s such a double standard when it comes to sex. It’s a healthy part of growing up for many people, and I don’t think there’s any shame in that. But girls carry so much societal expectation when it comes to sex.”

George nods again. “Yeah, I can’t even imagine.”

“It’s very confusing. We’re supposed to be alluring but like, also modest?” I start listing out all the crap that has been thrown on our shoulders from even before puberty starts, and George listens without interrupting me, frowning at some parts and laughing at the lighter ones. And the comment box is full of girls sharing their own experiences too. “Anyway, as I was saying, I’ddiscussed this stuff with Bradley and we were going to do it, but then when we were about to, I decided I needed to wait, but my mom walked in on us and freaked out.”

The comment box scrolls superfast.OH NOOOO!

Aahgfshafsfahsjsksksksk

My worst nightmare!

I laugh. “Yep. She basically put me on the next flight out to Jakarta, and that was how I ended up here for the summer. I guess she thought that my ex was a bad influence on me or whatever, because she was determined to find me a new boyfriend—one who was brought up well enough to not try to get into my pants. She confiscated my phone and put her version of my profile on ShareIt. That was right around the time you messaged me. Or rather, your dad and your sister messaged me.”

“So our parents catfished each other?”

There’s a pause, and then we both burst out laughing. I bury my face in my hands and cackle so hard that tears roll down my cheeks. “They really, really did!”

Oh my god, that is BONKERS.

LMAO!

“Come on, you folks saying your overbearing Chinese Indo parents haven’t ever done anything like this?” he says into the camera.

The comment box fills with anecdotes of the weird shit that parents have pulled.

My dad literally followed me when I went out on a date…

My mom created a fake FB profile to internet-stalk my boyfriend…

“That’s what I thought,” George says. “I’m glad you all canrelate. But, Shar, you know what the worst part of this entire thing was?”

“What?”

“That your mom thought I was the kind of boy who wouldn’t want to have sex with you,” George says, grinning.

Oh my god. I am dead. There’s just something about the way he said that which is so full of nudge/wink. I swear there are literal flames licking at my face.

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