Page 8 of Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers

But, Vera argues with herself, we all know how useless the cops are. Just look at them today, so casual and dismissive. Vera knows they won’t do anything. Well, okay, she doesn’t actually know that. But she’s sure she would do a better job than they possibly could, because nobody sniffs out wrongdoing quite like a suspicious Chinese mother with time on her hands, and what does Vera have but time, now that Jinlong is gone and Tilly is off doing god knows what?

Yes, she did the right thing by taking the flash drive. And she knows, of course, that the killer will be back for the flash drive. In fact, Vera is going to take out a space in the local paper to put out an obituary ASAP. And she will post about it on the TikTok and the Twitter. No doubt the killer will be watching. They will know that it’s strange for an obituary to come out so soon after the death. They will know it’s a message. And when they come, Vera will be ready forthem.

VERA WONG’S MURDER CASE

Victim: Marshall Chen, 29

Cause of death: Unknown

Suspicious signs:

Bruise on left cheek (someone punch him??)

Scratches on right cheek (someone scratch him!?)

Holding a flash drive (WHAT IS INSIDE?! Maybe nuclear code? Is he spy? KGB?)

His fingers swollen. Everything swollen. Like me in third trimester.

He has baggie full of DRUGS. You see? Must be a bad person. This is not Hollywood, why is he carrying drugs around?

Soscary!EXCITING! I am helpless old lady. What to do? Is my duty to find killer before killer go on rampage. Killer will come back for flash drive. I will identify killer and catchhim herthem!

FIVE

RIKI

Riki wasn’t sure what to expect from a place called Vera Wang’s World-Famous Teahouse, but it certainly wasn’t this tiny, very sad-looking shop. In fact, it looks so forlorn and so forgotten that he actually walked right past it, going all the way to the little souvenir shop down the block before realizing he’d gone past the little dot on his Google Maps. He doubles back and walks very, very slowly, examining each shop sign as he passes. When he finally spots the teahouse, words like “dilapidated” and “forgotten” and “covered in dust” pop to his mind. He’s not quite sure how he feels about Marshall dying in a place like this.

A decent person would think,Poor Marshall, he didn’t deserve to die here in this sad little teahouse, or at the very least,Poor Marshall’s wife and kid, even though I don’t know either of their names, but they must be really sad, so I am sad for them also.

But Riki isn’t a decent person, is he? No, because his first thought is:Bastard deserved it. I’m glad he died here.

Then, of course, the startled realization comes. That was ahorrible thought to have. What kind of person has thoughts like this? Then, of course, follows the usual barrage of thoughts, as though Riki’s mind is made of two individuals who are arguing with each other.Let’s not pretend you’re too good for these thoughts. You know what you did.

I did what I had to in order to survive. And at the end of the day, it was all for Adi’s sake.

Aren’t you sick of using your little brother as an excuse for every bad deed, every crime you’ve committed?

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