Page 2 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

I blink. Narrow my eyes at her. “Come again? Say it in English this time, just so I know I’m not mishearing.”

“I come to Porto’s too late. They are out of cheese rolls!”

Only a few seconds ago, I’d felt like all of my blood had rushed out of my head and I was ready to faint. Now, I can feel a river of blood rushing up to my head. I’m about ready to blow a gasket. “Ma.” It’s a struggle keeping my voice even. “Why are you calling me because of Porto’s cheese rolls? I thought we agreed that while I’m on my honeymoon, phone calls are for emergencies only?”

“This isemergency,” she snaps, glaring at me so hard her gaze is like a laser shooting through the phone screen. “Ipromise everyone in Jakarta Porto’s cheese rolls. You know how everyone love it so much. Every year I come back, I bring cheese rolls. Everybody love it. Now, if I don’t bring cheese roll, I will lose face!”

“You’re not going to lose face just because you—”

“And you know Fourth Aunt always trying to up me one. Last year, she bring Ladurée macarons for everyone.Ladurée. You know how expensive they are? Is so obvious she just want to up me one. I say to her, I say, Aiya, why are you so norak? Ladurée in Singapore also have, why you need to bring all the way from LA? And she say—you know what she say?”

“Let me guess,” Nathan says with a smile, “she said the ones from LA are different from the ones in Singapore?”

“YES!”Ma cries with indignant triumph. “As if she can tell the difference. Is a franchise, of course they will all taste the same. But you know how Fourth Aunt is, keep talking and talking nonstop until everyone agree with her. Wah, they all say, yes, the macarons from LA very different from the ones from Singapore.” She sniffs. “Now I will have to go back empty-hand, no face.”

A vision of a handless, faceless Ma swims to my mind, and despite myself, I have to stifle a laugh. Argh, what is it about Ma that makes me want to hug her even while she infuriates the heck out of me?

“Well,” Nathan says, “lucky for you, we’re actually in France right now. At Val Tho—”

I nudge him in the ribs. Hard. Ma and the aunties aren’t supposed to know we’re skiing. I’m even being super careful with how I hold my phone so she can only see my face and the sky and that’s it. If Ma and the aunties knew we were goingskiing, they would zoom here in a chopper and yank us all the way back to LA by our ears, while lecturing us about the multitude of ways that one could get themselves killed by skiing.

“Ow. Uh, I mean, we’re in Versailles. And we’ll be flying out of Paris tomorrow, so how about we bring back a gigantic box of Ladurée macarons? Then you can tell your relatives that these aren’t from Singapore or LA, they’re from the original Ladurée shop.”

Ma’s mouth gapes open as she takes in a sharp breath. She leans even closer to the phone, so now all I can see is one eyeball. “From the... original Ladurée shop?” Her voice is furtive and soft with reverence, like she’s referring to the crown jewels.

“Yep. The flagship store. I believe it’s on rue Royale.”

My eyes widen. How in the world does Nathan know this? As though reading my mind, he shrugs like,I don’t know, I’m just guessing here.

“The flagship store,” Ma breathes. The one visible eye is practically glittering at the thought of one-upping Fourth Aunt with macarons from the original Ladurée store. Then she throws her head back and cackles. A literal witchy cackle. Nathan and I exchange a glance. Uh-oh, Ma has ascended to her final form. “Yes!” she positively shrieks. “Oh, Fourth Aunt will be so embarrass.Soembarrass. Nowhere to put her face!” She cackles again. “Buy the biggest box, okay? Everyone will want one.”

“Ma, do you know how expensive those things are?”

Nathan waves me off. “We’ll buy the biggest box of macarons they have. And a few other treats for you as well.”

“Aiya, you no need to waste money on me.”

Before Nathan can reply, I say, “Okay, we won’t buy you anything.”

Ma stops short and stares at us. There is a pregnant pause. “Yes, don’t waste money on your own mother. I always tell you, no need to buy me any gifts. Other people always asking their children to buy gifts, but no, I say, I don’t want to burden my daughter. As long as she happy and healthy, I am okay. Don’t need her to make fuss over me or anything like that.”

“Yep, we won’t get you anything.” I bite back the smile that’s threatening to take over my face. Next to me, Nathan is giving meWTFlooks, but I ignore him.

“Good, good,” she mumbles, looking like I’ve just punched her in the heart.

I’m torn between laughter and frustration. My whole life has been a series of mixed messages from Ma, and though I know it’s cruel to trick her, I want her to get a taste of what it would be like for her if I were to follow her every instruction.

“Ma, of course we’ve bought you a lot of souvenirs,” Nathan blurts out. Goddamn traitor.

I can’t help but laugh out loud. “Of course we haven’t forgotten to get all sorts of presents for you, Ma.”

“Aiya!” she cries, her face incandescent with joy. “Why you waste money? I tell you not to buy me present already.”

I roll my eyes. “So we shouldn’t have gotten you an Hermès bag? Fine, I’ll give it to Big Aunt.”

“Eh!” Her shout is so loud I wonder if it would trigger an avalanche. “AnHermèsbag? A real one?”

“I promise you they don’t sell fake Hermès bags in France. I think it’s an actual felony,” I laugh. The shock and delight on Ma’s face is everything.

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