Page 20 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

My chest swells with the way she said “our Nathan.” I love how readily they’ve accepted him as one of their own. There’s no doubt in my mind that they would go to the ends of the earth to save him.

Her steely gaze burns through Abi. “Abi, he is safe, right? That Julia Child person, will she do anything to him?”

Abi starts, his eyes widening. “Yes, of course he’s safe. No, she won’t lay a finger on him.” He hesitates. “Well, looks like she might have taken a liking to him, so maybe she will lay a finger on him? But not to harm him.”

Great. But I trust Nathan, even though Julia Child is beautiful.

“As long as we get her the title deed,” Abi adds.

My gut sours again. “What do you mean, as long as we get her the title deed? So she will harm him if we don’t get it?”

“No, of course not,” Abi laughs. “Because we will get her the title deed.”

Frustration pounds on top of the growing panic. “And if we don’t?”

“But we will,” Abi says with a terrified smile. “So it’s not an issue.”

I gape at him. Why can’t anyone here give me a straight answer? Are they mafia, or are they normal businesspeople? Is Nathan’s life in actual danger or not? I feel like I’m about toscream, but luckily, Big Aunt’s authoritative voice slices through the mess of thoughts flying around in my frazzled mind.

“Okay. We get the title deed. We make list, ya? All the children, all the single people.”

“Right, yes.” I hurriedly take out my phone and open my notes app, then I look expectantly at Ma and the aunties.

“Acai’s grandkids,” Ma says.

“Nelson’s daughters, I think they are twins, ya? So pretty, ya?” Second Aunt says.

“Oh yes, they have such star power,” Fourth Aunt pipes up. “I was chatting with them, and—”

“Hang on.” I hold up a hand to stop them from getting derailed for the millionth time. “Let’s do this methodically. We go from the eldest to the youngest. Otherwise we can’t keep track of all of them.”

“Yes, very smart idea, Meddy.” Ma’s eyes shine with pride, and she smirks at the aunties. “So smart, ya?”

They all nod loyally except for Fourth Aunt, who rolls her eyes as per usual.

“Should we wake up the others in the house?” I say. “Ask them for help? They know these relatives better than we do.”

“No,” Big Aunt says with finality. “They will ask so many questions, then we lose face.”

Right, of course. Can’t forget about saving face, not even now, when we’re trying to save my husband.

“Okay, so.” I take a deep breath, my thumbs hovering over my phone. “Let’s start with your oldest cousin. That would be Uncle Ping?” They all nod. “Right. So his children are...”

For the next half an hour, my thumbs fly across the phone screen as my mom and aunts go through each relative and theirchildren. Progress is painfully slow, as several times they disagree on which family member a particular child actually belongs to. There are so many of them, so many children we only see on Chinese New Year, and newborn babies popping into the family tree once every few months.

“Ashley is Aling’s granddaughter!”

“No, that one is Zhenzhen’s grandson!”

“Ashley is girl’s name, how can be grandson?”

“In Ireland, Ashley is boy’s name!”

Each time they get derailed by some petty argument, I have to swallow my growing frustration and gently but firmly lead them back to the pertinent question. By the time we’re done, I feel thoroughly spent, like a hollowed-out shell, but in my hands lies a priceless list of names that everyone agrees is the most comprehensive family tree of our clan. I scroll down the endless list, marveling at just how humongous our family is. Everyone else is slumped back in their seats, obviously exhausted. My stomach roils with guilt. I’ve put them through this. No, wait. I haven’t. Abi has. I glare in his direction, but the poor guy looks so rumpled and sorry that I can’t even stay mad at him.

“Great work, everyone,” I say.

Heads nod slowly. “Okay,” Big Aunt says, stifling a yawn. “We go bed now. Then first thing in the morning, we call up everyone.”

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