Page 23 of The Good, the Bad, and the Aunties

“Ugh, are you kidding? First thing they did as soon as we got into the car was rip everything open and count their money.” She laughs. “My kids are terrible. But you knowwhat? I remember doing the exact same thing when we were kids, so I can’t be too harsh on them.”

I give her a weak laugh before gritting my teeth. How do I smoothly segue into asking if they found a title deed among the cash inside the red packets? “Was there anything weird in the red packets? I remember I once got an IOU in one of mine.”

“Oh my god. I think that was from Uncle Lie. Yeah, oh gosh, I remember that too.” She laughs again, her voice warm with fondness. “No, I don’t think they got anything weird like that... they were screaming in the back seat about all the candy they were gonna buy with the money.”

“Aww.” Could they have been screaming about buying so much candy because one of the packets contained a freaking title deed? Nah, they’re what, five and six years of age? They wouldn’t understand the worth of something like a title deed. They would’ve been like, “Mama, WTF is this?” and Frensin would definitely tell me about it, especially since I’d just asked if there was anything weird in the red packets. Right. So this one’s a no. Frensin is still chattering away, and now I need to end the call quickly so I can progress to the next cousin. Argh. I hate this. Another stab of guilt jolts through me as I say, “Oh, shoot, my mom’s trying to talk to me about something. I have to go.”

“No worries. I can hear her in the background. Say hi to her for me, and let’s schedule our cousins lunch soon!”

“Yes, definitely,” I reply feeling like a total shit. “Byeee.” I hang up and sag against the wall, feeling all hollowed out. Just from a single phone call. Argh. And I have at least eight more to go. Somebody save me.

As I cross out Frensin’s name on my list, I glance at my mom and aunts and listen in on one of their calls. Of course,they’re all speaking either in Mandarin or Indonesian, so I struggle to follow their conversations.

Big Aunt: “You know how much that cheapskate Enjelin gave in her red packets? Just ten dollars. How embarrassing.”

I wince. That’s... very direct. But next to Big Aunt, Second Aunt is saying, “Hanh! I hear that Dajie gave twenty dollars per red packet. She is so wasteful, she’s always been like that. Who gives a two-year-old twenty dollars? I mean, really now.” They both pause to shoot daggers at each other with their eyes.

Then Big Aunt says, “But I just got off the phone with a friend, and someone had given her grandchild a lotto ticket in his red packet. Can you even imagine? Did your grandkids get anything like that? Anything that’s not actual cash?” Her face switches from fake smile to intense narrowed-eyes glare, as though she could glare right through the voice call. A moment later, she grunts. “Hrmmh, okay, so nothing strange like a lotto ticket or a Starbucks gift card or a—ha-ha, title deed to a plot of land. Okay, sounds good. We’ll talk more next time.” She hangs up the phone and crosses the name off her list.

Second Aunt shakes her head at Big Aunt, sees me looking, and says in English, “Meddy, you got hear that? Big Aunt just say, ‘title deed to plot of land,’ you hear or not?”

“Ah...” I freeze like a rabbit that’s heard the sudden rustling of leaves nearby and knows it’s probably not another rabbit. “A little?” I don’t know how one could hear something “a little,” but I’m trying to be as noncommittal as possible here.

“Aha!”Second Aunt snaps, glaring at Big Aunt. “You see? Even Meddy say, she notice you saying ‘title deed to plot of land.’ That is so obvious. You want them to know is it? You want them to figure out what happen? Hanh?”

Dread overcomes my frozen instincts and I raise up my hands in a gesture of don’t-shoot-me. “Hang on, I didn’t mean that it was obvious or anything. I actually thought you did it really smoothly, Big Aunt.”

Big Aunt’s chest balloons, and her face glows with a smug smile. “Yes, Meddy is right. Very smooth. You hear? She say is very smooth, I agree. Is because I am businesswoman, always must know how to handle customer, how to make customer happy, make them feel special, not to worry, nothing is wrong.”

Second Aunt snorts. “But in reality every time they go with you, always got something wrong with cake.” She looks over at Abi and says, “Right? You remember when we were all young, Dajie kept baking this and baking that, nobody want to eat but she still baking here and there.”

Abi looks like he’s seriously considering digging a hole in the floor with his bare hands and hiding in it. “I—um—”

This time, Big Aunt balloons so much that I fear she might actually explode. “What?” she says, her voice dangerously soft, like a sword being slid out of its sheath. “Got what wrong with my cakes?”

“Nothing’s wrong with your cakes!” I practically scream, lunging in between the two of them. “Your cakes are amazing. My friends are always raving about them. You’ve got a rating of 4.5 stars on Yelp. Your cakes have gone viral on Instagram at least four separate times!”

“Aha!”Second Aunt cries again. “You see? Your cake got virus. Everyone agree!”

“That’s not what going viral means,” I groan.

Fortunately, Ma and Fourth Aunt end their respective calls then and join in the quickly spiraling conversation.

“No luck with mine so far,” Fourth Aunt says. “How are the rest of you doing? Any hits?”

Ma shakes her head. “Everyone talking about so happy, kids getting red packets. Nobody bring up anything strange.”

Abi looks crestfallen. “Well,” I point out, “we’ve still got a lot of people to call, so let’s get back to work, okay? You’re all doing an amazing job.” I quickly go back to the far corner of the room before any of them has a chance to respond. This time, I feel far more ready, and I call my next cousin with more confidence than I had before. The calls go a lot smoother, with me getting into an efficient pattern of wishing them well, asking them how their family enjoyed the Chinese New Year celebrations, and then saying,One of my friends’ kids received a lotto ticket in his red packet, can you even imagine? The audacity! Did your kids receive anything strange like that? No? Oh, thank goodness. Yes, let’s have a cousins lunch soon. I’ll coordinate with the rest of the cousins. Byeee!

In between each name, I pause a second or two to take a deep breath, then I hit Call. Rinse and repeat seven more times, and before I know it, I’m out of cousins to call. Not a single one of them says their children have found anything that isn’t actual cash in their red packets. A few of them expressed wonderment at receiving a lot of money in the red packets, to which I could only laugh weakly and agree how generous Abi was. Okay, well, chances are that Ma or the aunties found something. I trudge back to the table and slump down into a chair and wait as one by one, the others finish going through their lists and cross out the last name. Ma is the last one to finish, and she shakes her head as she hangs up the phone. My stomach sinks. All of our mouths drop open. For a moment, no one says anything as we stare bleakly at one another.

“No luck?” Abi says.

We all shake our heads, our expressions still disbelieving. Big Aunt studies her list as though it could tell her something, then she frowns at us, a displeased North Korean dictator. I shrink away from her knitted brows. “How can?” she rumbles after a pregnant second. “No, this not possible. Must be one of you make mistake. Who is it?” Her glare sweeps across the table, scouring our skins as it passes each one of us. I feel my skin shriveling up under it, as though getting burned.

“How you know is notyouwho make mistake?” Second Aunt hisses.

Abi places a hand on Second Aunt’s arm gently, and weirdly enough, even though things are looking really dire, I find myself liking Abi for a moment, just for that gesture alone. He’s good for her, I think. Then I mentally kick myself for thinking that, because hello, we wouldn’t be in this position in the first place if not for Abi and his shady dealings. Still, I appreciate that he’s at least trying to keep the peace between Big Aunt and Second Aunt.

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